


The Thirteenth Doctor (Technically) Chronicles

by jadekirk



Series: The Thirteenth Doctor Chronicles [2]
Category: Doctor Who (2005), Torchwood
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Cliffhangers, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Pleasure Planets, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-05-29
Updated: 2011-05-29
Packaged: 2017-10-19 21:21:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/205333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadekirk/pseuds/jadekirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crazy adventures of the thirteenth Doctor after he loses his TARDIS and he has to join forces with his tenth self to find it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Of Those Days

**Author's Note:**

> During season 4. AU after Forest of the Dead. This started life as a series of drabbles for the 1001 Whovian Nights Drabble Fest! and it soon grew into a long fic. Beta'd by the lovely Persiflage who made it flow more smoothly and ironed out the kinks.

"Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?" a male voice to the left of the Doctor asked, breaking into the Doctor's dark mood. The Doctor turned to be faced with holly green eyes set in a handsome face framed with dark red hair worn in a shaggy mane and curling at the ends. The Doctor knew instantly that this was a future regeneration of his and discovered a spark of jealousy deep inside because of the red hair that the other Doctor was sporting.

 

"Whatever," the Doctor said softly, not reacting as the red haired Doctor sat down beside him. "You shouldn't be here."

 

"If I wasn't here, that would be bad, but as it stands, the universe is safe for another day. That's the thing about paradoxes, you really have to tidy them up or everything becomes unravelled like a dropped stitch in the knitted jumper of the space time continuum."

 

"So what do you want?"

 

"Still rude, I see," the other Doctor grumbled. "Martha," he said plainly.

 

"What about her?"

 

"Look, you idiot, I'm you and I know you're hurting but you have to tell her how you feel about her."

 

"I... can't."

 

"You can. If you can't manage those three little words, you could at least tell her the truth."

 

"What?"

 

"And you say you're smart," the future Doctor growled, rolling his eyes. "She said that you, or rather I, never saw her and we both know that's a lie. Go and talk to her..."

 

"If I do that, if I open up to her, it'll hurt even more when she leaves me again," the Doctor answered, running his hands through his hair. "Which of my regenerations are you?"

 

"Technically, I'm the thirteenth, and no, I won't tell you what your other regenerations look like," the thirteenth Doctor answered, fixing the Doctor with a piercing glare. "Now go and talk to her. Would it help your 'so called courage' if I said that the universe depends on your talking to her?"

 

*****

 

Martha accepted her drink from Jack, and smiled as he sat down on the other side of her. "So, you don't miss the Doctor at all?" Jack asked, clinking his glass against hers.

 

"A tiny bit," Martha admitted, taking a sip, "but I had to get out of there before I got hurt. It's time for me to move on."

 

"Good for you," Jack said with a smile. "By the way, the red head by the bar has been eyeing you up for a while now."

 

Martha turned and saw a red headed man in a long black coat, slouched on the stool as if he owned the place. He smiled and raised his glass at her.

 

"He's coming over." Jack said with a grin. "Get in there." he teased, earning a smack on the shoulder from Martha.

 

The red head walked over and stood between Jack and Martha. "Hello Martha," he stated with another smile. "Jack."

 

"How do you know us?" Martha asked, warily eyeing this new arrival, who looked to be a sort of relation to the Doctor that she knew. She was struck by the man's dark green eyes. There was something familiar about him and it wasn't just the facial features that caused her to have a case of deja vu.

 

"Come on, don't you recognise an old friend?" the red head asked. "Although granted I'm kind of different than I was before." He grabbed Martha's hands and placed them on either side of his chest. Martha was aware of a double heartbeat under her hands. "I remember when I first met you in the hospital..."

 

"Doctor?" Martha asked, finally guessing who this stranger was. She smiled when he nodded and grabbed her in a hug, lifting her off her feet. "Have you regenerated?"

 

"Well, a few times since I saw you last," the Doctor admitted. "Well, you'll see my tenth self again, so don't panic, he's not due to regenerate for a long while yet."

 

"Which one are you?" Jack asked, finally joining the conversation. "I thought you completely changed your face, not just a few features."

 

"As I told my tenth self, I'm technically the thirteenth." The Doctor ran his hands through the thick red mane of hair in a gesture that Martha recognised as belonging to his tenth self. "What's wrong with my face?"

 

"Well, you sorta look like your tenth self, except for the red hair, green eyes, the fact that you look to be more muscular and you're taller than you were," Martha pointed out. "Your accent is different too. What is that, Scottish and London mix?"

 

"It's a long story," the Doctor answered, giving Martha a smile. "A story I can't reveal without endangering the timeline. I can say that I've grown quite fond of my tenth self's face, but..."

 

"Wait! You met your tenth self? Isn't that against the laws or something?" Jack questioned with a rise of the eyebrows.

 

"No, because I remember it happening so I had to close the loop." The Doctor grinned. "Oh, and Martha, don't let my tenth self get you down. He's incapable of expressing his inner emotions sometimes but... He needs a kick in the behind sometimes when he's being insensitive."

 

"I like this look on you. Love the black leather look... All that's missing are a few tattoos," Jack stated, as he gave the thirteenth Doctor a once over.

 

"Stop it, Jack," the Doctor said in a teasing tone. "Besides, what makes you think I don't have any tattoos?"

 

Jack turned to the Doctor. "Doctor? Can I speak to you in private for a minute?" he asked in a 'do not argue' tone of voice. The Doctor nodded and Jack grabbed his sleeve. "Excuse us for a moment, Martha." Jack dragged the Doctor into the men's room and let go of him. "All right, what are you really doing here?"

 

"What makes you think I've got an hidden motive for being here? Can't I pop in and see two old friends without having a reason?" the Doctor asked, watching Jack pace in front of him.

 

"I know that unless there was a threat of alien invasions, you hardly ever catch up with your old companions."

 

"The tenth me might not, but I do," the Doctor spluttered, looking offended. "Why, I saw Rose not so long ago... I fell through a crack into her universe... Anyway, she's moved on and has a, um, partner," the Doctor's cheeks turned slightly red.

 

Jack grinned. "Really?"

 

"I'm happy for her." Jack fixed him with a look. "Really."

 

"What's his name?"

"Her name is Gwen. Not your Gwen, the alternate one," the Doctor replied.

Jack's eyebrows crawled up his forehead. "Why are you here?"

 

"I wanted to see Martha."

"Oh really? Why?"

 

"Well, because... I care for her and my tenth self is an arse for letting her think otherwise. That's why I went to see my tenth self. He needed that kick."

 

"So you told your tenth self to tell her that he cares for her before it's too late?" Jack stated, getting a nod in reply. "Well, let's go and see her before she feels abandoned."

 

"Don't tell her what we were talking about. At least not yet." The Doctor said, as Jack opened the door.

 

"So who are you travelling with now?"

 

The Doctor just gave him a sly grin in reply as they walked over to where Martha was sitting. "Wait and see."

 

As Martha waited for Jack and the thirteenth Doctor to return she fiddled with her beer mat, then she jumped as someone called her name. She looked up to come face to face with the tenth Doctor. "Doctor!" she squeaked, pulling him into a hug. "What brings you here?"

 

"I was in the area and just thought I'd stop by," the Doctor said, squashing her in a huge bear hug.

 

"Oh, and it has nothing to do with your thirteenth self popping in a little while ago?" Martha asked suspiciously as the Doctor let go of her.

 

"He came to see you too? Can you believe he's ginger? That is not fair! And that long black coat. He stole that piece of fashion statement from me..." The Doctor paused mid-babble and looked at her. "What did he tell you?"

 

"Hardly anything. I got the feeling that he told Jack more than me." Martha paused. "What did he say to you? He did say that he went to see you and something about closing a loop."

"Hmm, he gave me a knitting analogy." The Doctor paused, deciding to tell her. Purely to get his thirteenth self off his back and for the sake of the universe. "Martha, I'm..," he trailed off, with a sigh, unable to get the words out. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I made you feel second best," he tried again. "I only take the best with me." He offered her a shy smile.

 

Martha wasn't expecting that and she stared in shock for a moment. "I know, but thanks for saying it." she managed. "Why do I get the feeling there's more?"

"When you said I didn't see you, you were wrong," the Doctor admitted with a smile. "I may be a Time Lord, but I definitely am not blind and my thirteenth self reminded me of that."

 

Martha smiled at Ten and then noticed Thirteen and Jack coming back from their chat. "Hello Jack," Ten said, nodding at the ex-Time Agent. "Thirteen," he added with a look to his older self.

 

"Finally got round to it then?" Thirteen questioned, indicating Martha. "See? I was right, you do need a boot up the backside now and again."

 

"Hey! No need for fighting here," Jack interjected, watching as Ten bristled like an angry cat. "Although, if you want to start naked mud-wrestling..."

 

Ten ignored him. "So, what do you say, Martha? One more trip for old times?" he asked, a hopeful look on his face.

 

"Come back in the morning and ask me then," Martha replied with a slight smile. She was hoping to make the tenth Doctor work for it. "I want to be sober for this."

 

"Well, I'm off," Thirteen said, breaking into the conversation. "Places to go, planets to save," he said with a shrug. He enveloped Martha in a huge hug, almost lifting her off the ground and then did the same to Jack. He gave his tenth self a polite nod before turning to leave.

 

"So that's a 'no' is it?" the remaining Doctor asked, once the red headed Time Lord had left, looking downcast. "Jack, tell her."

 

"It's Martha's decision, not mine," Jack said, raising his arms in a 'nothing to do with me' way.

"The way I heard it, she hasn't exactly turned you down yet," he pointed out. "She just wants you to come back in the morning."

 

"Okay," Ten said finally. "I'll come back in the morning. She misses you, you know."

 

"Not too early, mind you," Martha ordered, with a hint of a smile playing over her face. "I miss her too."

 

"What about you, Captain? Fancy a trip?" Ten asked, turning to Jack.

 

"Hmm, maybe in a few days time," Jack answered with a grin. "It's not a 'no', just a maybe."

 

"All right, I'll see you in the morning, Martha," he said, giving her a cheery smile. "I'll tell Donna you said 'hi' shall I?"

 

"Yeah," Martha answered, knowing what her answer would be, but enjoying making the Doctor squirm. She smiled as she found herself swept up in one of the Doctor's exuberant hugs. "Don't be a stranger," she said, suddenly missing the feel of the Doctor's coat against her cheek. "Where is Donna anyway?"

 

"Oh, she's fine, just recovering from the last adventure," the Doctor replied airily, letting her go reluctantly. "She was asleep when I came here. I better get back before she wakes up."

 

"Sneaking out without telling her?" Jack said. "Very sneaky." He smirked. "You two make a cute couple," he added, although Martha was unclear on which two Jack meant and she knew he would not clarify this if she asked.

 

Jack let out a 'oof' as the Doctor pulled him in for a hug, although not as bone-crushing as the Thirteenth Doctor's, it still knocked the breath out of him.

 

"Behave Jack," the Doctor's voice said in his ear before releasing him. "I'll see you in the morning, Martha. See you soon, Captain," he said, addressing Jack.

 

The next morning, Martha was woken up from a nice dream of a planet made completely out of candy floss by the TARDIS engines. "If it's three o'clock in the morning, I will kill him," she grumbled as she rolled over to look at the clock. The clock read five twenty am which she wasn't sure was much better. She flung back the bedclothes and marched into the lounge. The TARDIS was parked in between her sofa and the television and seemed to have swallowed her coffee table. The door of the time machine swung open and the Doctor stuck his head out. "Hello, Martha," he said with a cheery smile.

 

"Do you know what time it is?" Martha growled, causing the smile to slip off his face.

 

"Uh, seven? Eight?" the Doctor said warily, ready to duck his head back in if she started throwing things at him.

 

"Oi, move aside, spaceman," Donna said, shoving him out of the way as she exited the TARDIS. "Sorry, about him. I think he sets the TARDIS clock an hour fast or something," she said, rolling her eyes. "Cup of tea?" she asked, defusing the situation before it could escalate.

 

"Tea? I'd love a cuppa," the Doctor said, bounding out of the TARDIS. "You got those little chocolate biccies that I like?"

 

"I wasn't asking you," Donna shot back, with a roll of the eyes. "Martha?"

 

"I'll do that," Martha protested following the red headed woman into the kitchen.

 

"Nonsense, you go and sit down. He needs an answer anyway," Donna said, indicating the lounge with the kettle as she filled it with water. "I hope you say yes. While Skinny's all right, I want to have someone I can have 'Girl Talk' with."

 

"All right," Martha agreed with a devillish smile.

 

"Make him squirm a bit first before you give him the answer," Donna said as Martha was near the door of the kitchen.

 

"You live to make him squirm, don't you?"

 

"Yeah, pretty much," Donna agreed, watching as the pretty young doctor made her way out to the Doctor.

 

The Doctor looked up from where he was scanning Martha's DVD shelf. "Made your decision yet?"

 

"Mmm, maybe. Let me have my tea first," Martha said, "and sit down, you're making the place look untidy."

 

"Hmm?" The Doctor asked distractedly. He pulled out a DVD and held it up. "War of the Worlds? Honestly, Martha..."

 

"Doctor! For God's sake, put your arse to an anchor!" Martha exclaimed, snapping his attention back to her.

 

"Oh," the Doctor said softly, obediently sitting down in a squishy brown armchair.

 

"Good, now stay," Martha said. "I'm going to help Donna."

 

A few minutes later, Donna and Martha both came out with the teas and Martha carefully handed a dark blue mug to the Doctor. "Careful, it's hot," she said, as the Doctor drew in a pained breath and quickly placed the cup on the floor.

 

"Have you made up your mind yet?" the Doctor asked, blowing on his fingers.

 

"You're very impatient, aren't you?" Martha replied, taking a sip out of her own cup.

 

"Please say 'yes'," the Doctor begged. "Donna'd love you to be on board."

 

"Yeah," Donna agreed, secretly enjoying the way the Doctor was squirming as he waited for a reply. "We both would."

 

"Well..," Martha began, breaking off as there was a loud bang on her front door. "Who the Hell is that at this time in the morning?"

 

"I'll go," the Doctor offered, standing up.

 

"No, I might need you for back up," Martha said, grabbing something that could be used as a weapon. "Stay here." She marched over to the front door and opened it slightly to come face to face with the thirteenth Doctor. "What are you doing here?"

 

"Can I come in?" The red haired Doctor asked, looking slightly embarrassed. He quickly slipped in as she opened the door so he could enter.

 

"Who is it?" Ten asked, coming to see who the new arrival is. "Oh, it's you."

 

"Yeah, me. I need your help," Thirteen said, making his way into the lounge. "While it's embarrassing to ask for help from your younger self, I need to. Oh, hello, Donna," he said, as he passed her. He walked into the TARDIS, pausing to stroke the door. "Hello, Old Girl," he said, getting a hum in reply. "Yikes, I'm going to have to get used to this old desktop again," he said, looking around at the coral struts and green lighting. "No offence, of course," he muttered as Donna, Martha and Ten followed him in.

 

"Who the Hell are you?" Donna demanded, wary of this green eyed stranger who had just entered the TARDIS as if it belonged to him and was now messing with the controls.

 

"I'm the Doctor, thirteenth to be exact and I need your help in finding my TARDIS," Thirteen answered, looking up from where he was stroking the console. "I've kinda misplaced her."

 

"What do you mean 'you've lost your TARDIS'?" the tenth Doctor demanded, glaring at his thirteenth self. "How the Hell can you lose a TARDIS?"

 

"I didn't lose it, it was taken from me," the thirteenth Doctor answered, his green eyes flashing as he scowled at his younger self. "You need to help me get it back."

 

"Why?"

 

The thirteenth Doctor stepped closer to his younger self. "Because if you don't, I will be in your hair forever more." He cast a look at the brown haired Doctor's hair with an unreadable expression on his face. "And judging by the looks of it, you don't need any more things in that untamed mess you call hair."

 

Brown eyes met green with a steely look. "Fine!" the tenth Doctor growled, moving away from his older self. He cast a look at Donna and Martha, who were giving the two Time Lords a wary look. "Well, come on, let's find my older self his TARDIS and then send him on his way."

 

Donna watched the older of the two Time Lords as they scampered around the tenth Doctor's control panel, flicking switches and pulling levers.

 

"So, that's the thirteenth Doctor?"

 

Martha nodded. "Yeah."

 

"He seems more open than the other one," Donna observed, "Happier." She leaned back as the thirteenth Doctor stretched across the controls. "Taller."

 

"No, no, no," the tenth Doctor exclaimed, moving back from the controls. "Something is blocking the scanner for the other TARDIS." He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick up in the air.

 

"And that's bad, right?" Martha asked, not liking the look on either of the Doctors' faces.

"Of course it's bad. It means that I'll have to spend some more time with my younger self, and while the female company is good..," the thirteenth Doctor said with a cheeky wink in Donna and Martha's direction, grinning when they both blushed and looked at the floor, "I know my tenth self really wants me out of the way. I think he wants you two lovely ladies for himself."

 

"Stop it. You're as bad as Jack," the tenth Doctor scolded, giving his older self a warning look.

 

"He is my companion after all," the red haired Doctor said, his green eyes twinkling, "but my 'other' companion keeps him in line, smacking him when he gets out of line. I think he enjoys it," he added in a fond tone of voice.

 

"This is Jack we're talking about," the other Doctor stated with a grin, "you can bet he does."

 

"Oh, you know he does," Martha stated, causing Thirteen to laugh, a deep throated laugh that sent shivers down her spine.

 

"Poor Jack isn't even here to defend himself," Ten said, with a sly smile.

 

"Stop teasing," Donna said, watching as the two Doctors danced around the console. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Martha admiring the Thirteenth Doctor's body as he leaned over to reach an elusive control switch. Not that she could blame the younger woman.

 

"Okay," Ten mumbled distractedly, earning a kick up the backside from Thirteen. "Ow! What?" he asked, exasperated by his older self's presence, as he rubbed his behind. "I'm going to let the TARDIS drift in the Vortex for a while. It's set so that if there's even a blip of the other TARDIS, it'll lock onto it." He looked at his companions. "Why don't you go and grab something to eat, get some sleep or whatever," he suggested, watching as Donna and Martha filed out. "You too," he said to the red haired Doctor.

 

A few hours later, the tenth Doctor peeked in at his thirteenth self as the latter Doctor curled up on the sofa next to Martha. He jumped as Donna sneaked up behind him and also took in the sight. "Must be hard for your future self," Donna commented quietly.

 

"What?"

 

"Well, he's out of time and he has to be careful on what he says around you... and falling in love with Martha," Donna observed, as she led the tenth Doctor away to the kitchen. "Oh, come on, Spaceman," she said in a low voice. "Anyone with eyes can see that your future self fancies her. No, scratch that, he definitely loves her. You can see it in his eyes."

 

The dark haired Doctor raised an eyebrow at his red haired companion. "What? Maybe he's just pleased to see her again. I mean, she is in his past and..," he babbled, feeling jealous of his older self.

 

"He's not the only one, I think."

 

"What?!" the Doctor repeated himself. "Who else is in love with Martha?!"

 

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt," Donna commented, crossing her arms over her chest with a smirk. Her statement seemed to telling the Doctor more, but he wasn't exactly sure what.

 

"I don't know what you're on about."

 

"Right, sure you don't," Donna replied sceptically.

 

"If my Thirteenth self is in love with her, then that's his business," Ten stated. "Why? Do you think she fancies him too?"

 

"Why she fancied you I don't know, but if she fancies him, I can see why."

 

"But..," Ten spluttered, looking like a kicked puppy. "I'll just go and set the TARDIS controls for our next destination then," he said, backing away to the control room.

 

Ten landed the TARDIS with a rough bump. He didn't look up as his older self walked into the control room, followed by Martha and Donna. "We've landed," he said.

 

"No way, really?" Thirteen asked sarcastically. "I never would've guessed with the bumpiness. I should write you out a traffic ticket."

 

"Oi stop your arguing or I'm going to hurt you," Donna growled, her tone of voice suggesting that she actually would do it, breaking into the argument.

 

"Where are we?" Martha questioned, her eyes shining at a possible new adventure.

 

"Let's find out, shall we?" Ten replied, offering Martha his arm and opening the TARDIS doors.

 

Behind him, the red headed Doctor offered Donna his arm with a roll of the eyes. He jumped as a loud scream echoed through the air. "Oh, there's trouble. Let's go!" he said, practically pulling Donna through the doors to their next adventure.

 

The foursome ran to the source of the screams and were met by a woman slumped down against a white painted wall, clutching her stomach. Martha ran over to her and examined her for injuries. A large scratch crossed the woman's chest, but it didn't seem too deep. The woman moaned loud and opened her eyes. "Can you tell me who did this?" Martha asked gently.

 

"A giant bear. It must've escaped from a zoo or something," the woman panted, before passing out.

 

Ten scanned the woman with his sonic screwdriver and groaned softly at the results. "Oh wonderful," he sighed, sharing a look with Thirteen. "That was no normal bear."

 

"You know these aliens?" Donna asked, turning to look at the two Time Lords, who were wearing exasperated expressions on their faces.

 

"Yeah," Thirteen answered, rolling his eyes. "Ten, remember where the anti-vemon is kept in the Med-Bay? Well go and get it," he ordered, smiling grimly as Ten obeyed him.

 

"Who are they?" Martha asked. "Are they poisonous?" she asked, recalling the order that he had barked at his tenth self.

 

"Krevlins," Ten answered, returning with the anti-venom, which he administered to the woman. "She should be alright now," he reassured Martha, handing her some bandages.

 

"Can we stop them?" Donna asked, watching the efficient way Martha was tending to the patient.

 

"Oh, you bet," Thirteen replied. "Luckily for us, they are easy to defeat."

 

"Yep, Thirteen, you go with Martha and Donna, you're with me," Ten said, taking charge. "Thirteen, you and Martha do the device and Donna and I will see to Plan B."

 

"Right, the Krevlins hate all types of songs," the thirteenth Doctor explained, as he messed around with a device to defeat the invading aliens. The new adventure turned out to be rampaging giant bear-like aliens invading a small town in the south of England. "Some songs have a greater effect on them."

 

"Like what?" Martha questioned, raising an eyebrow.

 

"They especially hate Disney, heavy rock..," he replied, "and country music."

 

"Oh, I'm with the Krevlins on that," Martha answered. "The country music bit."

 

"What have they got against rock? And what do you have against country?" the Doctor asked, with a quirk of his eyebrows. "If we can lure it over there, then we can rock this joint and disable the critter." he stated, indicating a stage which was thankfully empty at that moment.

 

"Good plan," Martha said, shooting the Doctor a grin. "And while we're doing that, your tenth self and Donna are working on Plan B."

 

"Smoking! Then they'll join us for the great performance," the red head Doctor commented, with a grin. "They call me Cuban Pete..."

 

"That's your plan? Sing so it, what, collapses or something." She flushed as she remembered when she walked into the control room and seeing both Doctors dancing around the control panel and singing 'Girls Just Want To Have Fun' at the top of their voices. 'At least they were in tune,' she mused, 'even if their voices weren't exactly suited for that particular song.'

 

"Yep, isn't it good?" the Doctor answered, tossing Martha the Sonic Screwdriver. "Just in case. If it all goes pear shaped, urgh, I hate that word... activate the screwdriver..."

 

"I'm going to pass on the singing," Martha said with a shudder.

 

"Me too," Donna added as she and the tenth Doctor ran over to where Martha and the thirteenth Doctor were. "You sure this half cocked plan will work?"

 

"Fine," the tenth Doctor said with a shrug. "Have a little faith, Donna. Have I ever failed you yet?"

 

"Be careful," the thirteenth Doctor said. "They may resemble giant teddy bears but they have poisonous claws and sixteen inch fangs. Definitely something you do not want to snuggle up with."

 

"You too," Martha replied, giving the two Doctors a smile.

 

"Well, we better get this show on the road," the younger of the two Doctors broke in with.

 

"Wish us luck and ready those knickers," the red haired Doctor said cheekily, earning himself a smack on the arm from Donna. "Ow!"

"Dirty Martian," Donna said, hitting him again. "You aren't seeing my knickers!"

 

"All right! I got the point," Thirteen exclaimed. "Stop hitting me!" he said, grabbing her wrists then letting go of them.

 

"Here it comes," Martha said, hearing loud footsteps and loud growling getting closer by the second.

 

"Hit it!" Donna yelled, looking relieved when Thirteen shot her a wink.

 

"We haven't warmed up," Ten pointed out.

 

"So? I doubt the aliens are going to criticize your singing," Martha retorted. "This is not the X-Factor."

 

"Got a song in mind?" Donna wondered.

 

"Wait and see," Thirteen answered with a sly smile.

 

"If I was a rich girl," Ten sang teasingly.

 

"No," Thirteen answered, a faint blush darkening his cheeks. "Nothing against Gwen Stefani, but that's not rock, or Disney."

 

"Do you really think that the alien would be able to tell the difference?" Ten retorted.

 

"Rock? Like Def Leppard, Queen, Rolling Stones, The Who, INXS, Aerosmith, that sort of thing?" Martha asked, grinning when Ten nodded.

 

"I once had a companion that was into Nine Inch Nails," the red headed Doctor explained. "But that's not important right now."

 

"Oh my God," Donna said as she spotted the oncoming alien. "Get singing."

 

"Let it get a bit closer," Ten muttered, suddenly slightly nervous about what Martha and Donna would think of his singing. As soon as the alien teddy bear was close enough, he opened his mouth and began singing.

 

Donna, although she'd never admit it out loud, thought the two Time Lords had nice singing voices. Ten's was slightly higher than Thirteen's deep Scottish accented baritone, but it was pleasing nonetheless.

 

The Alien blinked, swayed slightly with a low snarl and headed towards the two Time Lords with its claws outstretched in a desperate bid for silence. Before it could reach them, it fell in a heap, stunned.

 

"Right, well, now that the alien has been dealt with," Donna said bluntly, "can I go home for a bit?"

 

"What?" Ten answered, blinking at her. "Okay," he said finally, looking slightly upset.

 

"Don't worry, I'll be back. Go have a picnic or something."

 

A few hours, later Martha, Ten and Thirteen were lying on a brightly coloured blanket in the middle of a field, somewhere in the countryside. Thirteen had discarded his long black coat and was wearing just a short sleeved shirt and black trousers. Ten had removed his coat and was using it as a pillow. Martha was lying in between them, wearing a pair of denim shorts and a sleeveless top.

 

"This is peaceful," Martha said, keeping her eyes shut against the Sun's glare.

 

"Yep, nothing could possibly go wrong," Ten commented, shifting to look at the other two.

 

"You've just jinxed us now," Thirteen grumbled in a good natured way, as he leaned over Martha to smack his younger self on the arm.

 

"Hey!" Ten protested, waving an arm around him, "what could possibly happen here?" A tickling sensation appeared on his hand and he looked down. "Yuck!" he exclaimed, flicking the ants, that were crawling on his hand, off and stood up to see an army of ants crossing the blanket.

 

"Well, Martha could end up with ants in her shorts," Thirteen said, looking down at Martha's legs.

 

Martha yelped and stood up, hurriedly brushing her legs with her hands. "Urgh!"

 

"Time to go, I think," Thirteen said, giving the blanket a good shake. "If it's not bloody wasps, it's bloody ants." He rolled it up after making sure that it was ant free and the three of them headed back towards the TARDIS.

 

"Yeah, think Donna's had long enough?" Ten wondered, eager to go to the next adventure.

 

"Hmm, maybe," Martha replied, pausing every few steps to brush her legs in case of any stray ants that she might've missed.

 

The tenth Doctor stared as a rift in mid-air opened up in front of them and a blonde figure in a black combat suit fell out. "Ow!" the figure said in a London accent. "What the Hell...?" she asked, looking around and pressing a finger against her ear. "Jake? Mickey? Anyone?" she asked and sighing when she didn't get an answer.

 

"Rose?" the tenth Doctor squeaked, surprisingly loud enough for her to hear.

 

Rose turned to face him and grinned at him, before he rushed over and hugged her tightly. "Doctor?"

 

She noticed a pretty dark skinned woman watching them. "A new companion, Doctor?" she asked, sounding pleased that the Doctor had found someone to be with.

 

"This is Doctor Martha Jones," the red haired Doctor introduced. "Martha, this is Rose. You both know I'm the thirteenth Doctor. And please no fighting..."

 

"Hi," Rose said with a grin. "So, two Doctors together? Isn't that bad? I mean, two versions of the same Doctor?"

 

Martha rolled her eyes, not bothering to dredge up any hatred for the younger girl in front of her. "God, yeah, Thirteen has misplaced his TARDIS and we have to help him find it. Him and the other Doctor are usually at each other's throats."

 

"We are not!" the thirteenth Doctor protested.

 

"We need to have Jack to even the score," Ten agreed.

 

"Wait 'til you meet Donna," Martha said, gleefully. "She slaps the Doctor... a lot."

 

"Mum slapped him," Rose stated, sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth as she grinned mischievously.

 

"So did mine," Martha said with a laugh.

 

"Oh, we'd rather you were fighting," both Doctors said. "How's Torchwood in the alternate universe?"

 

"Oh, it's great. Can you send me back?" Rose asked, not missing the way the tenth Doctor's face fell. "I missed you, but I moved on and, I found someone."

 

"Oh. Okay," the dark haired Doctor answered, "but as the rift is shut for the moment, it looks like you're stuck with us for now."

 

"And what a motley crew we are too," the thirteenth Doctor commented. "Three woman, two Time Lords, and..."

 

"Jack in a pear tree?" Martha suggested, noticing the disgusted faces the tenth Doctor was pulling. "Sorry, I forgot, you don't like pears, do you, Doctor?"

 

"No! Right, let's go and pick up Donna and Jack, and then we can have a nice little adventure," the red haired Doctor said, before the tenth Doctor could launch into a tirade against pears.

 

After Donna and Jack had been picked up, the thirteenth Doctor turned to his four companions, and younger self and grinned. "Where would you like to go?"

 

"Some place where we're not running for our lives," Martha answered. "Although, that last planet we were on had distinct possibilities."

 

"For you, maybe," the tenth Doctor grumbled, "You weren't the ones being forced to walk around naked because the males on that planet weren't allowed to wear clothes. One experience I would like to forget."

 

"Oh, I dunno, it was an... interesting experience," the red haired Doctor stated, "but not one I'm likely to repeat any time soon."

 

"It was fun," Jack agreed with a grin.

 

"The Doctor neglected to mention it," Donna explained to Rose. "Males were thought to be inferior and just for breeding."

 

Rose stifled a giggle. "Shame I missed it."

 

"You would've really liked it," Martha said, not caring that the three men could hear every word.

 

"We had to pretend they belonged to us," Donna cut in. "We didn't want anyone else to get their hands on them."

 

"So there the three of them are, naked but fitted with collars and leashes. We had to get a part for the TARDIS so we couldn't leave straight away..."

 

"How could you forget where you left your TARDIS?" the tenth Doctor growled to his older self.

 

"I told you, time is very wibbly-wobbly and when we got to where I remember where the TARDIS is, it had been moved. Time is in flux and it totally sucks. Oooh, that rhymed," the thirteenth Doctor answered.

 

"Come on, I need a coffee," Jack interjected, before the two Doctors ended up at each other's throats. "I'll make you two some tea."

 

"Oh my God!" Rose exclaimed, not noticing that the men in question had sneaked out and had retreated to the kitchen.

 

"We got to whip them if they got out of line," Donna interjected. "They seemed to enjoy that bit..."

 

"So what did they look like... you know, naked?" Rose was dying to know.

 

"You mean, you never...?" Martha questioned, looking shocked when Rose shook her head.

 

"Well?" Rose prompted. "What are they like?"

 

"Gorgeous," Martha answered. "You wouldn't think it but the thirteenth Doctor is quite muscular under those black clothes he wears and has a couple of tattoos on his body. Jack is well, as you'd expect, and the Doctor... Mmm, very nice."

 

"No small fry there," Donna added, giving a very dirty laugh.

 

Rose soon found herself swapping stories with Martha and Donna, and soon they were giggling at the three men's escapades.

 

Much later, Rose couldn't contain herself any longer. "Can I see you three naked?" she blurted out, surprising the three males. "It's only fair."

 

"She's right," Jack realised. "She's the only one who hasn't seen us naked."

 

"Jack!" both Doctors exclaimed at the same time.

 

"What?"

 

"Regardless of what you think, I don't drop my trousers at every opportunity," the tenth Doctor grumbled, holding up his hand when the red haired Doctor opened his mouth, presumably to contradict him. "Don't you dare..."

 

"Oh, come on, as much as I love my girlfriend, if you think I'm going back to the alternate universe, without seeing you drop your trousers first, you have another think coming," Rose protested, causing the tenth Doctor to choke on his tea and Jack to raise an eyebrow.

 

"Told you, Jack," the thirteenth Doctor mumbled with a cheeky grin.

 

"Wait! You have a girlfriend?" the tenth Doctor asked, obviously stuck on that small announcement. He turned to Jack. "You knew?"

 

"Your red haired self told me," Jack answered, his grin widening when the thirteenth Doctor nodded. "Did you at least get a look in?"

 

"No."

 

"About the seeing you naked," Rose stated, "can I?"

 

"If you two tight-laced time lords aren't willing to do it," Jack said, "at least I will."

 

"Well, go on then," Rose said impatiently.

 

"How about later?" Thirteen asked, smiling at her. "You see my younger self is a little self conscious about his body..."

 

"Am not. I don't see you rushing to drop your trousers any time soon," Ten replied, scowling at his older self.

 

"We'll discuss this later," Thirteen promised. "Don't worry Rose, you will get your wish before either of us leave."


	2. The Next Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning on the TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains a few quotes from the film, 'Dogma'.

The next morning, well, what passed for morning on the TARDIS, Martha, Jack and Donna watched as both Doctors carried on their argument, as they both sat at the breakfast table, in the early hours of the morning as Jack prepared the tea and coffee.

 

"Why can't they just get along?" Jack asked. "Is it written that different incarnations of the Doctor must not get along?"

 

"Don't ask me," Martha growled. "We need to get them both to shut up and soon, before they wake Rose."

 

"Too late," Rose said as she stumbled in, her hair mussed and clad in a pair of pink striped pyjamas, and accepted a cup of tea from Jack. "What's going on?"

 

"Our two cranky Time Lords are just being... annoying," Martha answered. "They're arguing on whether cheese on toast is better melted or not."

 

"How to get them to stop arguing," Donna pondered. "Oi, shut it, you two!" She tried but to no avail.

 

"You and Martha could always kiss," Jack stated. "That's a guaranteed way of stopping anything..."

 

"Hmm, that could work," Martha answered, "or you could just whistle, Jack. You know, put your lips together and blow."

 

Jack avoided making the obvious joke but shot Martha a cheeky look. "Here goes."

 

He let out a piercing whistle, startling everyone and making the thirteenth Doctor jump into the tenth Doctor's lap. "Come on, you two. Stop it." Jack scolded, grinning at the way the tenth Doctor's arms wrapped around the red haired Doctor's waist, stopping him from falling off.

 

"Until the next time," Martha grumbled quietly.

 

"Oh, hello, Rose," the tenth Doctor said, unwrapping his arms from around his older self's waist. "You're heavier than you look," he added, addressing the red haired Doctor.

 

"It's all muscle, but you wouldn't know about having that, would you?" the thirteenth Doctor snarled, standing up and brushing himself down, before turning to the others and grinning. "So what do you want to do today?"

 

"My TARDIS, my companions," the younger Doctor pointed out.

 

"Well, I'm older, so suck it up!"

 

"Oh my God, are you four?" Martha scolded, sounding exactly like a mother scolding her children.

 

"Firstly," Rose interjected, "we would like you two to stop your arguing before I bang your heads together."

 

"And I smack you both around the face," Donna pointed out, a determined look on her face, smirking at the looks on both the Doctors' faces.

 

"I break out the handcuffs," Jack added, "and handcuff you two together."

 

"I'll just sit and laugh at you," Martha commented, raising an eyebrow at them. Both Doctors exchanged another worried look, remembering what Martha did to the Master.

 

"That's what you did to the Master," the tenth Doctor stated with a proud smile.

 

"That's nothing," the thirteenth Doctor commented, "when he reappeared, she..," he trailed off, realising that he had almost told too much of the future. "Well, let's just say, he was never the same after that."

 

"What did I do?" Martha asked, looking bemused.

 

"Can't tell you, but you, Doctor Martha Jones, are a genius," the thirteenth Doctor exclaimed with a bright smile, slinging an arm around her and pulling her in for a hug.

 

Rose and Jack shared a look at the way the older Doctor was acting around Martha.

 

"The Master is back?" Jack asked. "Wasn't he barbecued?"

 

"Who is the Master?" Rose asked.

 

"I thought so, but the Master's a bit like Dracula... He always come back," the thirteenth answered, shaking his head.

 

"Another Time Lord," the tenth Doctor answered. "He was Prime Minister and tried to take over the world, start an intergalactic war, that sort of thing."

 

"Saxon was an alien?" Donna asked, getting a nod from the tenth Doctor in reply. "I should've known..." she muttered.

 

"But Martha scuppered his plans," the thirteenth Doctor commented, his voice full of pride.

 

"She laughed in his face. She was awesome," Jack stated, giving Martha a smile.

 

"This calls for a celebration," Donna broke in with a laugh, as she headed towards the drinks cabinet and pulled out a decanter of pale blue liquid. "Hey, this isn't going to have any strange side effects, will it?" she asked, holding up the decanter.

 

"That? Nah," the tenth Doctor answered, looking up. "Totally harmless." He watched as she poured out a generous amount in each glass and handed them around.

 

"Here's to my companions," the thirteenth Doctor said, raising his glass, "who have saved my life so many times. Cheers," he said, clinking his glass to the others.

 

"Cheers," the others echoed.

 

"I only take the best," the tenth Doctor added with a wry grin, "and you are the best... all of you."

 

"Aww, you're making us blush," Rose teased, nudging Ten with her arm, before downing her drink. "Mm, tastes like aniseed."

 

"Like Pernod?" Martha asked, sipping at her glass. "That's nice," she said, savouring the taste.

 

"S'good," Donna agreed as she finished her glass and poured herself another one. she topped up everyone else's glasses as well.

 

Jack took a sip of his drink then leaned towards Thirteen. "Isn't this stuff very potent?" he asked quietly. "Even more so than Hypervodka?"

 

"Relax, Jack," Thirteen said, avoiding Jack's question and pouring Jack another glass.

 

"Let's play Truth or Dare," Martha suggested with a devilish smile. "Rose, truth or dare?"

 

"Truth," Rose said, with a smile of her own.

 

"How do you feel about the Doctor?" Martha asked bluntly.

 

"Martha," Ten squeaked, his ears turning red even though he was curious about Rose's answer himself.

 

"Oh, I still love him," Rose answered, "but I resigned myself to not seeing him again so I forced myself to move on. I didn't want to be one of those tragic romance novel heroines that pine away after their lost love," she said, pulling a face. "Donna, truth or dare?"

 

"Truth."

 

"Out of the two Doctors, which one would you rather kiss?" Rose questioned mischievously.

 

"Yeah, come on, Donna," Jack teased. "Don't keep us in suspense."

 

"Um," Donna hedged, trying to avoid the question. She knew who she'd choose but she didn't want to be teased about it.

 

"It's the end of the world, you have to snog one to save the whole planet, which one do you choose?" Rose added.

 

"Oh, it'd have to be Thirteen," Donna answered, flushing slightly. "Don't get any ideas, Spaceman," she warned, seeing the way Thirteen's eyebrows had shot up. "I'd only snog you to save the world, nothing else."

 

As the drinks flowed, the truthful questions became even more personal and the dares got even more extreme. Jack had stripped down to nothing and Donna's eyes were roving over his muscular body.

 

"Right," Jack said, turning to Thirteen, "truth or dare, Thirteen?"

 

"Dare," Thirteen answered, feeling reckless. He wondered if his dare would involve stripping and didn't really care if it did.

 

"You and Martha have to spend seven minutes in that cupboard," Jack ordered, pointing at the cupboard. "Go on and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

 

"Have fun," Donna teased as Jack pushed the two of them into the tiny cupboard and locked the door behind them.

 

"What do you think they'll get up to in there?" Rose wondered.

 

"Who knows? They might just talk or they might be tearing each other's clothes off in a fit of passion," Donna replied with a smile.

 

"Probably, the former," Ten said staring into his glass.

 

******

 

"I'm sorry," the thirteenth Doctor said, as he stood pressed up against the back of Martha's body, as they stood in the tiny cupboard, "I know you'd rather be out there with my other self instead of being stuck with me."

 

"I could think of no better person to be stuck with," Martha answered. "How long do you think they'll be?"

 

"Well, if they haven't passed out first or forgotten about us..," the Doctor answered, wrapping an arm around her waist, "so it might be a while." He growled. "I shouldn't have left my sonic in my coat pocket."

 

Martha turned to face him. "You look worried."

 

"This isn't the way I remember it happening," the Doctor answered. "Well, it is... and it isn't. My tenth self woke up with a splitting headache and I never knew what went on..."

 

"What does that mean?"

 

"It means you never told my tenth self what happened in here. And if you told any of the others, they never said anything to me." The Doctor smiled, trying to put Martha at ease. "Perhaps we should sit down."

 

"You're not giving up, are you?"

 

"Me? Nah! I'm just formulating a plan to get us out of here."

 

"Right," Martha said, watching as the red headed Time Lord slid down the wall. "Reminds me of the time we were caught in Lazarus' machine."

 

"Mmm, yes, I really liked those shoes of yours," the Doctor answered with a smile as Martha slid down the opposite wall, "and your dress. Of course, you look lovely in whatever you wear, but..."

 

Martha bumped her knee against one of the Doctor's long legs. "Thank you," she said, pleased at the compliment. "You're more open than the other you," she observed, "and much happier too."

 

"Yes, well, I can't tell you the reason for that... just yet. Besides, you'll find out soon enough anyway."

 

"So, who are you travelling with now?"

 

"That's another thing I can't tell you."

 

"I know, timelines. You can't blame me for trying though," Martha answered, before leaning forward and kissing the Doctor on the cheek.

 

"What was that for?"

 

"Just... no reason," Martha answered, as she leaned back against her wall.

 

"Oh," the Doctor answered, looking the tiniest bit disappointed.

 

Martha looked at the expression on the Doctor's face and sighed. "Are you okay?" she asked, worried that she'd hurt his feelings.

 

"I'm fine."

 

Martha moved forward again to kiss him on the cheek again, when the Doctor turned his head to face her and she ended up pressing her lips to his. She quickly moved back. "I'm sorry."

 

"Genetic transfer?" the Doctor asked wryly.

 

Martha hit him on the arm. "Please don't..."

 

"Sorry..." he trailed off, leaned forward and captured Martha's lips with his own in a passionate kiss, to which she responded eagerly after the initial shock. He moved back, pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, running his hands down her back, almost petting the fabric of her top.

 

The Doctor pulled back slightly, licking his lips, savouring the taste that was uniquely Martha, coupled with the drink that she had been drinking. "We shouldn't be doing this. I want to..."

 

Martha pressed a finger against his lips. "Shh," she said softly as she leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "We can stop right now if you want and the timeline will be safe..."

 

The red haired Time Lord shrugged and opened his mouth and licked her finger, before sucking it into his mouth. "To Hell with the timeline. Besides, what's to say this isn't what happens anyway?" he stated with a mouthful of finger.

 

Martha removed her finger from his mouth with an audible 'pop' and slid her hands up the front of his shirt, eliciting a soft whimper from him. "Too many clothes," she whispered, as she unbuttoned the Doctor's shirt, shivering slightly when the Doctor moved his mouth to the side of her neck and bit down gently. "Oh God, Doctor," she moaned, moving her hands up to his hair and entangling her fingers in the thick red strands as he lapped at her skin.

 

"Martha," the Doctor growled against her neck, the Scottish inflection in his voice coming through strongly, as he committed Martha's taste to memory. "My Martha."

 

Hours later, Martha shifted and opened her eyes. "Urgh," she groaned, bringing up a hand to run through her hair and grimaced at her tangled hair. She realised that she was lying on top of the thirteenth Doctor, who had his eyes shut and was snoring softly. She took in his disheveled look with his hair mussed and sticking up in all directions. She looked down at herself, saw that they were both naked and grinned as she remembered the night before.

 

The Doctor stirred and blearily opened his eyes. "Morning," he said softly as Martha's face came into focus. "What a night, eh?" He suddenly looked worried. "You don't regret it, do you?"

 

"No," Martha replied, "do you?" She nervously ran her fingers through her hair, wincing at the knots. "I must look a fright."

 

"Hell no," the Doctor answered, giving her a bright smile. "I'd never regret this. And you, Martha, could never look a fright," he answered, pressing a kiss to Martha's forehead.

 

"We better get dressed, because who knows when we're going to be let out," Martha suggested, giving the Doctor a kiss on the nose, before standing up. "Now where did we leave our clothes?"

 

"Good idea," the Doctor answered, fumbling for his clothes, quickly pulling on his trousers. He held up a scrap of material, as Martha was pulling on her underwear. "Um, I think that was your top." He handed Martha his shirt. "Here, put that on." He heard a click as the door lock opened. "Guess we'll be getting out of here, sooner rather than later."

 

"You did get a little enthusiastic last night," Martha replied buttoning up the shirt. "Will this be a one off?"

 

"Says she who tore my underwear with her teeth," The Doctor joked as he wrapped his arm around Martha's waist. "Not if you don't want it to be but, I must warn you, that I'll probably be leaving soon," he said, looking downcast. "I'd love to take you into my TARDIS but my tenth self would not appreciate it if I did." The Doctor picked her up and gave her a quick kiss. "Minx," he commented against her lips, as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

 

"Can we just stay in bed?" Martha asked, kissing his cheek. "Enjoy our time together while it lasts..." She paused. "Um, I mean, can we find a bed and then stay in it?"

 

"Martha Jones, Jack really has been a bad influence on you."

 

"Yeah, and you love it."

 

"Get some sleep," Thirteen ordered, brushing some hair off her forehead.

 

The tenth Doctor entered the console room and saw his future self, sprawled out on the captain's chair, fast asleep. The tenth Doctor examined his older self's features and wondered at the smile that had graced the red head's face. Before he could stop himself, he reached out a hand and placed it on the red haired Doctor's cheek.

 

A cough startled the Doctor as he found himself looking at his older self, who was now awake. The green eyed Doctor wore an unreadable expression on his face.

 

"Um," the tenth Doctor began, moving his hand away from the other Doctor.

 

"What are you doing?" the thirteenth Doctor asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Where's Martha?"

 

"In bed when I saw her last, I mean, she was heading that way. Spending all night in a tiny cupboard is really uncomfortable." the green eyed Doctor answered, squirming slightly.

 

"Hmm."

 

"Where are the others?"

 

"Sleeping it off."

 

"How's your head?"

 

"Better... now, but when I woke up..," the dark haired Doctor groaned.

 

"So why were you stroking my face?"

 

"I... I wasn't. I was just checking you were okay." the dark haired Doctor answered with a sad pout.

 

"Aww, don't pout at me. You, my dear tenth self, really need to lighten up a little."

 

"How can I?" the tenth Doctor squeaked, a little shocked. "I feel like you've come in and stole my Martha away from me..," he said, sounding jealous. "You can't take her once we find your TARDIS."

 

"How can I steal her when I'm you?" the thirteenth Doctor asked incredulously, noting the possessive tone of voice the tenth Doctor had used. "Look, just tell her how you feel. I can't take her with me anyway, it'd cause a paradox the size of your ego if I did."

 

"I can't. I'm afraid that I'll lose her, just like I lost Gallifrey..."

 

"Um, yeah, about that..."

 

"What?!"

 

The thirteenth Doctor looked nervous and hoped someone else would bound in and distract him from answering that question. 'What can I say?' he wondered quietly. "Put simply, you're not the last Time Lord any more," the older Time Lord said bluntly.

 

"What?!" the tenth Doctor exclaimed, running his fingers through his hair, causing it to stand up even more. "What does that mean?"

 

"I can't tell you anything else."

 

"You're a tease. Dropping all these future hints but not explaining them," the dark haired Doctor grumbled, looking very put out.

 

"You know as well as I do, if I told you the whole story, things may go differently," the red haired Doctor said, leaning back in the chair. "There was one mystery that always bugged me, but it's been solved now."

 

"What mystery was that?" the tenth Doctor asked curiously.

 

"If I told you it wouldn't be a mystery now, would it?" the other Doctor answered. "Also, don't forget that huge stonking paradox that it would cause."

 

"I hate paradoxes."

 

"I know."

 

"So, once the others are awake, any ideas on where to take them?" the tenth Doctor asked, flopping down to sit next to his older self.

 

"I know they'd say about somewhere about 'not having to run for their lives' but where's the fun in that?" the thirteenth Doctor questioned, grinning at his younger self.

 

The next day, the tenth Doctor, the thirteenth Doctor, Jack, Rose, Donna and Martha lay sprawled in the control room. Their last adventure had ended with all of them running for their lives. "I thought I said, no running for our lives," Donna complained. "Can't we have one quiet trip in which we are not running for our lives and getting all mucky?"

 

"Donna, if I wanted a quiet life," the thirteenth Doctor answered, "I'd stay at home curled up with a cup of tea and an episode of Midsomer Murders."

 

"We're like the Spice Girls," the tenth Doctor was saying, wrapping his arms around the two nearest people, who happened to be Martha and Jack.

 

"Hardly, since three of us are definitely not girls," the thirteenth Doctor retorted. "And when did we end up talking about them anyway?"

 

"Well, you're obviously Ginger Spice," the dark haired Doctor answered, getting a grin in response to his statement.

 

"Jack is Slutty Spice," Martha broke in, giving Jack a cheeky grin and getting a smirk from the former Time Agent.

 

"The tenth Doctor is Hyper Spice," Rose pointed out. "He's like a puppy always begging for a stroke..," she blushed as she realised what she said. Her blush grew when the two Doctors gave her quirked eyebrows.

 

"Not done the paw on the leg thing yet though," Donna said. "Good thing too, or he'd get a rolled up newspaper on his nose."

 

"Donna is most definitely Scary Spice," Jack stated, earning a smack from the red headed woman.

 

"Rose must be Baby Spice... Being the youngest of us all," Martha added, giving the blonde a smile.

 

"Martha must be Wild Spice," the red haired Doctor said, with a slight cheeky smirk. "She has a wild side..."

 

Jack raised an eyebrow. "And how do you know that?"

 

"Uh, well... she's my... one of my companions. I notice these things," the thirteenth Doctor said after a long moment.

 

Jack gave the red haired Doctor a disbelieving look, then looked at Martha, who looked slightly embarrassed. "Ah," he said, coming to the obvious conclusion. "What else have you noticed about Martha?"

 

"Jack," the thirteenth Doctor warned, sounding almost like his tenth incarnation for a moment then.

 

"What?" Jack asked innocently.

 

The tenth Doctor frowned. "Was that a dig at me? I notice Martha."

 

"Yeah, when she was cloned, I, when I was you, knew it wasn't her straight off," the thirteenth Doctor commented, with a vague hand-wave. "I know that."

 

"There, you have it then," the dark haired Doctor muttered. "What do you mean I'm not the last Time Lord any more?" He questioned, this change of subject surprising everyone.

 

"Exactly what it says on the tin," the thirteenth Doctor answered, giving his younger self a grin.

 

"But if he's not alone," Rose said, getting a grin from the thirteenth Doctor in reply, "then that's good, isn't it?"

 

"Depends on which one it is," Jack stated, obviously remembering the missing year.

 

"It may be ones you already know," the red haired Doctor answered cryptically, "or it may be a whole new Time Lord."

 

"What does that mean?" Donna asked, looking confused.

 

"Don't make me start quoting 'Dogma' at you," the thirteenth Doctor said with a raised eyebrow.

 

"What? Stop a couple of angels from entering and thus negating all existence?" Martha answered, proving that she'd seen that film.

 

"Martha Jones, I really like you," the thirteenth Doctor commented, getting a pleased smile in return. "I was meaning a quote from later..."

 

"What?" Martha wondered, flicking through her memories of that film and wondering what quote he was referring to. She jumped in surprise when the thirteenth Doctor gave her a hug from behind, his hands ending up on her stomach. He flashed her a grin and quickly let go of her.

 

"Thirteen, can I talk to you for a moment alone?" Jack asked, drawing the thirteenth Doctor's attention back to him.

 

"Fine," the thirteenth Doctor grumbled, following Jack into the corridor.

 

"Don't do anything I won't do," Rose called cheekily.

 

"And if you can't be good, be good at what you do." Martha commented.

 

"Rose! Martha!" the tenth Doctor exclaimed, shocked at his companions' comments. "Jack really is a bed, um, I mean, bad influence on the two of you."

 

Jack poked his head back into the control room. "Is that directed to me or the thirteenth Doctor? Did I hear something about bed, Doctor?"

 

"It was a slip of the tongue," the tenth Doctor answered, "it doesn't mean anything."

 

"Both of you," Donna replied, "maybe the thirteenth Doctor more than you."

 

"Hey!" the other red head protested, poking his head back in. "I heard that."

 

"I think you were meant to," Jack said quietly. He waited until the thirteenth Doctor focused all his attention on him. "So what was the quote?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Have you seen the film?"

 

"Yes, why?"

 

"Go through the quotes..," the thirteenth Doctor ordered with a grin.

 

"I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll?"

 

"No!" the red head exclaimed, "definitely not that quote."

 

"Sorry."

 

"Keep going through the quotes."

 

"You bottom-feeders and your arrogance; you think everybody's just trying to get in your knickers? Sounds like something you would say."

 

"Try nearer the end, Jack," the thirteenth Doctor said, sounding exasperated, "and you're right but I'm just waiting for the right moment to say it."

 

"Oh! I know! It's the quote that begins with, 'Actually, you WERE the last...', isn't it?" Jack realised, getting a grin in reply. "Really?" He poked his head around the corner to stare at the others. "Really?!"

 

"Yep!" the red head answered, looking ecstatic. "It's more than just that though. I've found..." he trailed off. "You can't let my tenth self know any of this. He needs to discover it on his own."

 

"Right, okay. Otherwise, paradox." Jack stated. "Martha's a dear friend of mine, if you hurt her..."

 

"Spare me the talk, Jack. I'm not going to hurt her," the Doctor interrupted, holding up a hand. "I really care for her and I wouldn't dream of hurting her."

 

"What about when you have to leave?"

 

"She knows I'll have to leave, besides I won't be leaving her fully. My tenth self will be here."

 

"Yeah, but he's not..."

 

"Yes, he is."

 

"You sure?"

 

"I'm him. I know exactly what buttons to push..."

 

"Sounds kinky."

 

"Jack, behave."

 

"What took you so long?" Donna grumbled when the thirteenth Doctor and Jack finally wandered back into the other room.

 

"Been quoting Dogma back and forth," Jack answered. "I didn't know you were a Dogma fan, Doctor."

 

"Yes, well, there's a lot you don't know about me," the thirteenth Doctor answered. "Time Lords are like onions. We have many subtle layers."

 

"Is that an offer for one of us to 'peel' you?" Rose asked, grinning mischievously in Martha's direction. "Or have you already been peeled?"

 

"What?" Martha asked, looking innocent.

 

"You tell Jack more than you tell me," the tenth Doctor griped, having guessed they were discussing the future, "and I'm you."

 

"He knows to be careful."

 

"Unlike you," Jack said cryptically, earning a glare from Thirteen.

 

"I haven't told him everything. I haven't told him who my companions are. And you know that if I told you all our future, I'd have to wipe your memories so it doesn't alter history."

 

"Where are they anyway?" Rose asked, curious.

 

"On my TARDIS. We couldn't mingle with them," the thirteenth Doctor replied. "It'd cause a whopping great paradox."

 

"Why?" Martha wanted to know.

 

"It's a long story and it definitely comes under the category of things to never to tell you." Thirteen answered. "At least not yet."

 

"Well, we know Jack's one," Donna pointed out. "A companion, I mean."

 

"Yeah, well, Jack is a constant, isn't he?" Ten muttered, noticing the happy grin from Jack. "Ah, and I can see why you don't want two Jacks in the same place."

 

"Hey!" Jack protested in a good-natured tone of voice. "Although you have to..."

 

"Paradox central," the thirteenth Doctor warned.

 

Martha stood up with a yawn. "As much as I love you guys," she said, "it's been an exhausting day so I'm going to bed."

 

"Need someone to tuck you in?" the thirteenth Doctor asked innocently, causing a growl from the tenth Doctor.

 

"I'm sure Martha could make her own way to bed," the younger Doctor commented, looking put out.

 

"What if she falls? I don't want Martha to fall and hurt herself," the red haired Doctor stated, giving the air of knowing what happens in the near future and looking suitably concerned.

 

"Fine," the dark haired Doctor said, worried by the expression on his older self's face, "but I'll take her." He held out his hand for Martha to take, completely missing the smug look on his older self's face as soon as he turned his back. "Miss Jones, would you allow me to escort you to bed?" he asked.

 

Martha gave him a tired smile and took his hand, letting the younger Doctor lead her out of the room.

 

"You sneaky bugger," Donna said as soon as they were out of earshot.

 

"They need to talk," Thirteen answered with a shrug. "I just gave them the opening to do so."

 

A few minutes later, the tenth Doctor and Martha stopped outside Martha's room. "Well, I guess this is goodnight," the Doctor said, staring at his shoes.

 

"Wait," Martha said softly, not really wanting him to leave just yet. The Doctor looked up at her and smiled, an expression of joy on his face. "Why don't you come in for a while?"

 

"Aren't you tired?" the Doctor pointed out, almost bounding in when Martha opened the door. Martha shook her head and followed him in, watching as he flopped onto her bed. "Do you want me to go?" he questioned.

 

"No!" Martha exclaimed. "Um, would you mind turning around so I can get changed?" she asked, looking slightly disappointed when he did. She quickly pulled on her pyjamas. "You can turn around now."

 

The Doctor turned around. "So... You're getting very close to my older self," he said, sounding slightly jealous.

 

"Yeah, and? I know he won't be staying long," Martha retorted, sitting down on the bed next to him and wondering at the Doctor's tone of voice.

 

"I don't want you to get hurt," the Doctor said, as he flopped onto his side and looked at her.

 

Martha was forcibly reminded of the night they spent back in Shakespeare's time. "Oh, you're one to talk."

 

"You just seem so comfortable with him, but as he's me then that's inevitable. Your pyjamas are nice," the Doctor commented, suddenly changing the subject.

 

"Um, thanks," Martha answered.

 

The Doctor rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. "Are you in love with him?"

 

"What?" Martha spluttered. "You can't ask me that!"

 

"You can't go with him," the Doctor ordered. "Once he gets his TARDIS back, you can't go with him."

 

"I know, because of the paradox," Martha snapped, "and whether I love him or not is of no concern to you."

 

"He's my older self, of course it is." the Doctor stated, looking like a kicked puppy. "I... I'm sorry."

 

"Doctor, what is it?"

 

"He's more open with you and... you've gotten closer," the Doctor blurted. "I should go. You need your sleep and I've kept you awake long enough." He made to sit up but Martha grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back down.

 

"Doctor, please stay," Martha said softly. She was confused at the way he was acting. Almost as if he was a jealous boyfriend but Martha silently scolded herself, reminding herself that he wasn't human and was probably thinking that she's a crazy human for falling for his older self. She had promised herself that she would get over the Doctor, but his thirteenth self had come and charmed her into falling for him again.

 

"All right," the Doctor agreed, lying back. 'Tell her, you idiot,' his inner voice, that sounded like his sixth self, scolded. 'Tell her before it's too late.' He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. "Martha, I..." a soft snore greeted him and he turned to see that Martha had fallen asleep. "I wish I could tell you everything but I can't," he said softly.

 

After leaving Martha's bedroom, the tenth Doctor caught up with his future self in the kitchen. "You think it'd get easier," the tenth Doctor said, helping himself to a cup of tea, "but it never does."

 

"This is Martha we're talking about," the other Doctor said with a sad smile, knowing to what the younger Doctor was referring to.

 

"She wants you, not me."

 

"Oh, stop being a whiny emo bitch and just tell her," the thirteenth Doctor scolded, looking like he would like nothing more than to smack his younger self around the back of the head. "Preferably when she's awake."

 

"Did you just call me...?"

 

"Yes, I did!"

 

"I tried, but..."

 

"Ten, what am I going to do with you?" the red head sighed. "You have to tell her, sooner rather than later... and remember to duck," he added cryptically. "Now go back to her room and tell her."

 

"I think I'd rather face a fleet of Daleks," Ten grumbled.

 

"Go on... shoo!" the thirteenth Doctor said with a grin, pushing the other Doctor towards the door.

 

"Fine!"

 

"And don't come back until you've told her," Thirteen grumbled, as he headed off to bed.

 

Martha leaned forward and captured the Master's lips with her own in a rough passionate kiss, to which he responded eagerly. She slid her hands up his shirt, eliciting a moan from him.

 

"What the hell are you doing?" Jack exclaimed, looking shocked, taking a step forward intent on ripping the evil Time Lord from Martha.

 

"Martha?" the Doctor questioned, looking like a kicked puppy.

 

Martha turned her head, as the Master bent his head to nip her shoulder with his teeth, and winked at Jack. She lifted her knee and rammed it hard into his stomach, causing the Time Lord to double over with a loud groan...

 

The thirteenth Doctor bolted up into an upright position, after waking up from his dream. "Rassilon," he breathed. "Why did I dream that?"

 

"I ask myself the same question," the tenth Doctor asked, making the older Time Lord jump, as he leaned against the door frame. "You're dreaming too loudly. Woke me up."

 

"Downside of being telepathic."

 

"Was that just a dream or did that happen?" the dark haired Doctor asked, coming to sit next to his future self.

 

"Well, it didn't exactly happen like that but I can't tell you that."

 

"I'll probably forget this happened anyway."

 

"Don't tell Martha."

 

"So I have to tell Martha I care for her, but not that you've dreamt of her." the dark haired Doctor commented. "Doesn't seem fair."

 

"Yes. Come on, pick up the pace... No more delays."

 

"Is there a reason I can't tell her later?" the dark haired Doctor questioned.

 

"Yes, and I won't tell you... yet, but you'll find out very soon."

 

******

 

Martha wandered into the kitchen and came face to face with the thirteenth Doctor, who was wearing just a pair of dark green pyjama bottoms, and nursing a cup of tea. He looked up and smiled at her. "Morning," he said, getting a quick kiss on the cheek from her. "Want some?"

 

Yeah." Martha answered, watching as he prepared a cup of tea for her and handed it to her. "Thanks." She looked him up and down, as she sipped her tea. "So what's with the half-dressed state today?"

 

"Breakfast?" the Doctor asked, quirking an eyebrow, deliberately avoiding her question.

"I thought you couldn't cook," Martha teased, earning a mock-offended look from the Doctor.

 

"Cheeky. I can cook, very well, in fact," the Doctor said, sticking his tongue out at her. "I should put you over my knee for that..."

 

"Yes please," Martha shot back.

 

"Martha! Jack is a bad influence on you. What would my tenth self say?"

 

"Oh, bugger him!" Martha said, blushing slightly when the tenth Doctor wandered in, looking delightfully rumpled.

 

"Bugger who?" the tenth Doctor asked, quirking an eyebrow, as he made himself some tea. "You're talking about sex at this time in the morning?"

 

"No one," Martha said hurriedly, wondering how much the younger Doctor had heard.

 

"I think Martha meant Jack," the thirteenth Doctor commented, grinning at his younger self over the rim of his teacup, "seeing as he's a bad influence on her and everything. She can't have meant you, could she?"

 

"What?!"

 

"Now there's a thought," Martha muttered. "The three of you at my beck and call."

 

"Martha!" both Doctors chorused, turning slightly red.

 

"Now don't get any kinky ideas, Missy," the dark haired Doctor scolded, frowning at Martha. "I am not about to have a foursome with my older self and Jack."

 

"He's me and I'm him," the red haired Doctor added, indicating his younger self.

 

"Shame," Martha commented, giving them both a cheeky grin. "Not even as a distraction? Not even to save the world?"

 

Both Doctors looked at each other. "In that unlikely situation, in which the world depends on us snogging," the tenth Doctor answered, "then possibly..."

 

"Right," the thirteenth Doctor mumbled. "I'd rather kiss Jack." He turned and winked at Martha. "And of course, Martha."

 

The arrival of Donna, Rose and Jack cut the conversation short. "Where are we off today?" Rose asked the thirteenth Doctor.

 

"You'd be better off asking my younger self. He's the designated driver. I'm just the senior citizen."

 

"How old are you anyway?" Jack asked.

 

"Jack! Don't you know it's rude to ask a Time Lord his age?"

 

"I thought that was women." Donna pointed out.

 

"Well, them too."

 

"So what's this Dogma quote that you threatened to quote at Martha?" Rose asked, abruptly changing the subject.

 

"It doesn't really matter," Thirteen stated, with a vague hand-wave. "My tenth self is adamant about being the last, but he's way off base."

 

"Oh, great. You're wrong, I am the last," the tenth Doctor said, pointing to his forehead. "I'd know if I wasn't. All I can pick up is my thirteenth self."

 

"Actually, you WERE the last..," Jack said, looking happy that he finally gets to utter the famous quote, earning a smack on the back of the head from the thirteenth Doctor. "Ow."

 

"I've been waiting to do that for a long time," the thirteenth Doctor said with a cheeky grin.

 

The tenth Doctor's eyes widened, finally getting what follows on from that quote, and he pulled out his sonic screwdriver to scan the girls. "Well, it's definitely not me," he said finally, giving his older self a raised eyebrow.

 

"I'm as pure as the driven snow," the red haired Doctor answered.

 

"Yeah, New York snow after it's had millions of cars drive through it," the tenth muttered. "What the Hell have you been doing with my... Martha?"

 

"Oh, you're kidding me," Martha said softly, having realised what they were trying to say.

 

"Nothing that you haven't done," the redheaded Doctor replied. "Yet," he added silently.

 

"Ha! You're going to get slapped!" the tenth said, pointing his finger at his older self.

 

"Actually, you'll be the slapped one."

 

"What?! It's your fault!"

 

****

 

"She should've slapped you. It's your fault," the tenth Doctor complained later, holding his cheek. The visit to tell Martha's parents did not go as badly as expected.

 

He supposed it could've been worse, since after the initial shock and subsequent slap, Francine had hugged him and told him to take care of her daughter.

 

"Yeah, but you're her Doctor. I'm a future you," Thirteen pointed out, not looking at all happy, obviously remembering how hard that smack around the face was.

 

"Right, but if I regenerate because of this..," Ten grumbled, as he manipulated the controls, with the help of the thirteenth Doctor.

 

"Don't be such a wuss. You won't regenerate because of this," Thirteen stated, as he pulled the brake. "Everyone better hold on."

 

Before any of them could get a good grip on anything, the TARDIS gave a lurch and the thirteenth Doctor found himself flying straight into Jack, landing on top of him.

 

"Hello," Jack said softly.

 

"Don't start," Thirteen warned, scrambling to his feet and brushing himself down. "Everyone okay?"

 

"Anyone would think that after one thousand years, you'd learn to land the TARDIS gently," Rose said cheekily as she picked herself off Donna's lap and helped the older woman to her feet.

 

"Oi. I'm a ripe age of over ten thousand years old."

 

"Where are we?" Martha asked as she climbed off the tenth Doctor, who then bounced to his feet and looked at the screen.

 

"Well, we aren't anywhere near your parents' house any more," the tenth Doctor answered, sounding relieved. "Let's find out where we are."

 

"Is it safe?" Donna asked. "We're not going to be tied up and forced to shag for any aliens' pleasure, are we?"

 

"Donna! If I was drinking then, you would've been the cause of me possibly regenerating by choking," the tenth Doctor exclaimed, looking scandalized.

 

"Oh suck it up, Alien Boy," Donna answered playfully. She looked at Jack, who looked ready to add something. "Don't you start."

 

"If you leave these comments wide open." Jack stated, "then I feel honour bound to."

 

"You wish."

 

"Where are we?" Marta questioned again.

 

"Is it safe?" Rose added.

 

"It better be," the tenth Doctor commented, looking at Martha, "you have a precious cargo there."

 

"I know, last of the Time Lords and everything," Martha said, placing a hand over her stomach in a protective gesture.

 

"We can go, if you want," the tenth Doctor said, as he checked Martha over for cuts and bruises.

 

"That's not all," the thirteenth Doctor said solemnly. His expression said, 'to Hell with the time lines because you're going to find out sooner or later.'

 

"What else is it?" the tenth asked. "Don't tell me that Donna and Rose are also..."

 

"No!" Rose squeaked.

 

"Jack?" the dark haired Doctor asked, almost squeaking.

 

"Just because Jack is still my companion in my time, doesn't mean I go around shagging him," the red haired Doctor said.

 

"Better not have, Spaceman. I'll smack you if you've impregnated me," Donna commented.

 

"I can promise you I haven't done anything of the sort," Ten said, holding up his hands as if to ward of the imminent attack. "I can't speak for my older self though."

 

"No, that's not it," Thirteen said softly. "I know where Gallifrey is. It wasn't destroyed..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Thirteen drops the bombshell, he has to explain himself. The TARDIS crew also go to a pleasure planet and meet the Eleventh Doctor and his companion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featuring a guest appearance from my eleventh Doctor, who was written before they announced who was playing him, and my original companion, James.

Five stunned faces stared at him. "What?!" they chorused.

"It wasn't destroyed, just temporally shifted into an alternate universe," Thirteen elaborated. "Not your universe, Rose, but around that area."

"Huh?" Rose asked.

"Rose, you can drive can't you?" the thirteenth Doctor questioned, grinning when she nodded. "Well, if you've stopped at a red light and the car behind rear-ends you, it shunts you forward into the crossing area, right?" Again she nods. "It's the same thing here, the Time War had rear-ended Gallifrey into an alternate dimension."

"What happened to the Daleks?" Martha wanted to know.

"Oh, they got hit by the oncoming bus and ended up squished, but a few Daleks managed to swerve and miss it." the red headed Doctor answered.

"That makes no sense," Donna pointed out. "So, you're the bus?"

"So, Romana and the others are... still alive?" the tenth Doctor questioned, before the older Doctor could launch into a more complicated explanation.

"Yes! And with another Time Lord on the way... So no more of this 'Lonely God' stuff, okay?"

"Isn't that great, Doctor?" Rose gushed.

"No more carrying around all this survivor's guilt," Donna added, touching the tenth Doctor's arm.

"Yeah," the tenth Doctor answered with a smile, looking happier than he had looked for a long time. He wrapped an arm around Martha and pulled her in for a hug.

"So, um, now what?" Jack asked. "Where are we?"

"Um," the tenth Doctor said, releasing Martha and scampering over to the screen. "Oh, Rigel IV, brilliant! I haven't been here before."

"What?!" the thirteenth Doctor groaned. "Oh no, no, no," he said softly. "I came here in my eleventh regeneration." He grinned at the dark haired Doctor's stunned face. "Oh, don't worry, Ten, it's not for a long time yet."

"What were you doing on the universally renowned pleasure planet?" Jack asked, giving the older Doctor a speculative look.

The thirteenth Doctor flushed slightly. "Um, it was just... it doesn't matter."

"Oh come on," Donna cajoled, "you keep giving us tidbits and you've given us the hugest spoiler of all."

"Business or personal?" Rose questioned.

"Let's go," the tenth Doctor said, heading for the door. "You'll love it. It'll make a change from running for our lives and Martha has to be careful now."

"All right, it was for pleasure, but that's all you're getting out of me."

"I bet," Jack commented with a grin as they stepped outside.

The six travellers stepped out into what was just like Paradise. Sparkling amethyst coloured water with pale blue beaches. "It's quite Earth like," Jack said quietly at the girls' awed faces. "It's like a holiday in the Caribbean."

"They are devoted to making your stay here as pleasurable as possible," Thirteen commented.

"And is completely safe," Ten added with a smile, pleased at his companions' facial expressions.

"So, no running for our lives?"

"No," the red headed Doctor answered, giving Martha a smile. "Come on, let's have fun." He grabbed a hold of her hand and squeezed gently. He bent his head and whispered in her ear. "Want a massage?"

"Down Boy," Ten scolded, earning a cheeky grin from his older self.

"Jealous?" Thirteen asked. "You know you can help if you want. You can do her top half and I'll take her bottom half."

Rose laughed at the bright red colour the tenth Doctor turned then shared a conspiring look with Donna and Jack. "Yeah, go on, Martha, the Doctor is very good with his hands," she teased, snickering when Ten spluttered and Jack chuckled loudly. Donna laughed and Thirteen looked slightly embarrassed. Rose nudged Ten in a playful way. "Like that time I hurt my leg and you massaged it all better."

"Yeah."

"Or the time I was tense and you massaged my shoulders," Donna added, addressing the thirteenth Doctor. "Rose, if you think Ten's good with his hands, Thirteen is fantastic."

"How come I never get that?" Jack complained, looking between the two Doctors as they walked towards a building that looked like it could be straight out of a Roman historical movie.

"Buy us a drink first," Ten replied, earning a loud chuckle from the thirteenth Doctor.

"Oh, guys and girls, while we're here, I'm going by the name Barty," Thirteen said with a grin.

"Barty? As in Barty Crouch Junior?" Martha asked with a smile. "Well, you have the outfit for it," she added when Thirteen nodded.

"I guess, I'll have to be Remus then," Ten said with a grin.

"You two are total dorks," Rose teased, nudging Ten again. "It's a good job that you're adorable or you'd never get a date."

"Why are you changing your names?" Donna asked. "Why are you taking fictional characters' names?"

"Well, just for the hell of it," Thirteen answered with a mischievous grin. "For all you know, that could be my real name. And you just assume that they are fictional."

"What?!" the other time travellers chorused.

Ten just gave them a smirk, sensing his older self was just teasing them, and changed the subject. "It doesn't rain often here, but when it does, it's purple."

"Purple rain?" Rose repeated, not sure whether the younger Time Lord was teasing or not.

"Yep! Just like that Prince song," Thirteen stated, raising his eyebrows. "Anyway, what do you want to do first?"

"Nibbles," Ten answered, almost bouncing on his feet. "Gotta have nibbles."

"I swear, being around you is like having a caffeinated puppy," Donna stated with a roll of her eyes.

"Was I really that hyper in that incarnation?" Thirteen asked, also rolling his eyes. "Although, not as hyper as Cool Hand Dave," he said then abruptly shut up. "Uh, forget I said that." He opened the door of the building and indicated for the others to go inside first.

They entered a huge room, that looked like a typical hotel lobby, with white walls and large stone pillars, holding up a decorative roof. Thirteen led them over to a free black marble desk. The desk was manned by a woman with long purple hair and violet eyes. Her name-tag read 'Vanity Six'. "Hello sir. How can I help you?" she asked in a musical voice.

"Yes, I'd like a suite," Thirteen replied, giving her a smile.

"Of course, sir. What was the name?" the woman asked, typing on her keyboard.

"Barty Crouch," Thirteen answered, with a wide grin.

The woman paused and looked at Thirteen. "Hmm. Are you sharing rooms?"

"Yes, we are."

"Do any of you have special requirements or food allergies?"

"I don't like Crème Brûlée," Thirteen replied with a disgusted look on his face. "Yuck!"

"Martha will need lots of vitamins and healthy stuff." Ten said with a sideways look at his older self, who looked a little guilty and wrapped his arm around Martha's waist. "I hate pears."

"All right," the woman said, typing away. "Earth temperature?"

"Yes," Jack said, before either Time Lord could say anything. "Not too hot and not too cold."

 

After a few more questions, the woman handed over the room key, that actually looked like a digital camera memory card, to them with a smile. "Enjoy your stay," she said, smiling as they thanked her.

" Crème Brûlée?" Rose questioned as soon as they were out of ear-shot.

"Yep! Can't stand it," Thirteen replied. "Must be just this body," he said with a shrug. "Come on, let's find our room."

"Right, I suppose I'll be sharing with Jack," Ten stated, trying to ignore the way Jack grinned. "Don't get any ideas."

"I don't mind sharing with Donna. She'd be much better company than the Doctor," Rose stated. "We know that our red haired friend wants to share with Martha," she added with her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth.

"I can see why," Donna commented, watching the tenth Doctor. "If he's hyper when he's awake, what's he like when he's asleep?"

"I don't sleep much," Ten protested, stopping and turning to look at her.

"It's a Time Lord thing," the red headed Doctor pointed out, wincing as Ten crashed into a tall man, wearing a hooded top, going the other way, knocking them both into a heap. "Be careful," he admonished, helping both of them up in one swoop.

The man's hood fell back, exposing red hair. "It's his fault," the other red head snarled, pointing at the Doctor. He noticed the tenth Doctor staring at him in shock. "Hello, Doctor," he said, in an accent, not too different from Thirteen's own. "Yeah, I look a bit like you," he stated, with a dismissive wave of the hand. "but no relation."

Thirteen rolled his eyes. "Oh, this is wonderful. Slight error. My other self's here too. A huge paradox waiting to happen," he said. "B-er- James, what have I said about this?"

"Doctor?" Rose asked. "Who is he?"

"He looks like you, except for the brown eyes and is slightly shorter." Donna pointed out.

"Um, James apparently," Ten answered quietly. "I'm guessing he's a future companion of mine," he addressed the Thirteenth Doctor. "Unless, he's more than that."

"Yeah, I regenerated into James, scars and all, except I changed my eye colour," Thirteen said sarcastically. "James, where is my eleventh self?"

"In our room at the moment," James answered. "So which one are you?"

"Isn't three Doctors very bad?" Jack said. "Or isn't it four?"

"That's why I asked where he was... So we can avoid him," the red headed Doctor stated with a warning look to the others. "James, when you go back to your room, you mustn't tell my eleventh self that you saw us. He'll remember anyway, but you mustn't let him dwell on us for long."

"Don't worry... I'll find a way to distract him," James replied with a cheeky grin, which Thirteen returned.

"I bet you will," Jack stated with a smile of his own.

"You'd know, Jack," James commented with a secretive smile. "Can't say any more 'cause of that pesky paradox thing. And I better go before he wonders where I am. See you all around." He ran off before they could say anything else, disappearing into a room with a dark green door.

Martha raised an eyebrow at Thirteen who grinned. "He's a friend." He pointed to the door of their room, which happened to be right next door, but this door was blue. "Here's our room."

Ten dashed over to the green door and placed his hand on it. "I can feel my eleventh self," he said with a smile.

"Come on, step away from the door," Martha said, trying to drag Ten away. "If you can sense him, he can sense you..."

Ten opened his mouth to protest then shut it again abruptly. He looked at the door in shock. "My eleventh self had just told me to go away." He looked at Martha. "Bit of a cocky one, isn't he?"

"I wouldn't know," Martha retorted. "I haven't actually met him yet."

"Oh, that's right," Ten said. He allowed Martha to lead him into their own room. In the bedrooms, the beds looked like they could accommodate all six of them comfortably and still have room for more. Six fluffy white robes sat on the beds.

"Why can't we all share?" Jack questioned. "It's big enough."

Thirteen shrugged. "Whatever."

"This just has 'orgy' written all over it," Rose stated with a smile, pointing to the bed.

Both Doctors turned and looked at Jack with identical expressions on their face.

Jack raised his hands in 'I surrender' gesture. "Nothing to do with me."

"This has your handiwork all over it," Thirteen commented, gently teasing Jack.

"Does it matter?" Martha questioned. "Let's just sort out the sleeping arrangements and then..."

"Explore this planet and its many pleasures?" Donna finished.

"Nibbles!" Ten exclaimed, making everyone jump. He grinned as a trolley of assorted nibbles appeared from out of nowhere. "It's a transmat... thing," he said, stuffing a mini cheese nibble into his mouth.

Rose rolled her eyes. "Hey! Leave some for us."

"I dunno about you guys, but I want a shower," Donna stated, heading towards the bathroom.

"Okay," Martha said, slumping down onto the bed. Thirteen sat next to her and gently rubbed her shoulders.

"Oh my God!" Donna exclaimed from the bathroom. "They have everything in here! This place is the best."

Ten smiled. "Don't hog the shower, Donna," he called in between bites.

"This shower is big enough for all of us," Donna yelled back. They could hear water running and the sound of the shower spray hitting her skin.

"Was that an invitation?" Thirteen asked, before Jack could speak, with a saucy quirk of his eyebrow. He yelped as Rose hit him on the shoulder.

"And you talk about Jack..," Rose scolded, wigging a finger at him.

"He's a bad influence," Thirteen retorted, rubbing where Rose had hit him. "I only asked a question." He winced as Martha hit his other shoulder. "Is it Pick On Me Day today?"

"Judging by the evidence, the survey says 'most definitely'," Ten stated with a grin.

"Good answer," Jack said, clapping madly. "And yeah, it sounded like an invitation."

"Exactly!" Thirteen exclaimed, flopping back on the bed, dragging Martha down with him.

"Well, we already knew Jack was a bad influence on us all," Ten said, snagging some more snacks.

 

"I want to dance," Thirteen stated with a shrug as he sat up. "I haven't loosened up in a long while."

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," Ten agreed.

"This I have to see," Jack said with a chuckle.

"Are you laughing at me, Harkness?" Thirteen questioned, narrowing his eyes slightly.

 

"No, Doctor," Jack answered, stifling a smirk.

"But we need to wait for Donna," Rose said softly, laughing at Thirteen's expression.

"I'll sit it out," Martha stated, ignoring the way Thirteen was tapping her arm impatiently. "Why are you so impatient?"

"I was going to suggest that," Ten said, grinning at her.

"I'm an impatient guy," Thirteen replied, giving her a grin. "That's the sort of man I am."

"Let me guess, if you don't dance, there will a paradox," Rose said, addressing the red haired Doctor.

"Well, sorta."

"Oh, for God's sake, Go!" Martha ordered. "we'll catch up with you."

"Brilliant!" Thirteen said, leaning over and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "See you in the dance hall. Don't be too long."

"Where is it?" Ten asked.

"Go down the corridor, the way we came, go down the stairs and it's the third door on the left." Thirteen said, walking towards the bathroom. "Donna, I'm going to party. I'll see you a little later, okay?" He said, poking his head around the bathroom door.

"Fine, whatever," Donna said, obviously still in the shower. "OI! Avert those eyes, Spaceman!"

Thirteen grinned and withdrew his head. "See you all soon!"

A while later, the rest of the time travellers wandered down to the dance hall, in search of the thirteenth Doctor. "Where is he?" Jack asked, looking around and shouting to be heard over the music, which the sign outside declared to be old Earth 'retro', which Martha guessed to mean the twentieth and twenty-first centuries as she recognised the songs.

Rose spotted him first. He was dancing next to a shorter man, with blond streaked hair, matching him move for move to the Hip Hop tune playing. She guessed this man was the mysterious Eleventh Doctor and she found herself staring at his outfit of all denim with heavy looking Doc Martins on his feet. "Wow!" she managed, staring at the two dancing Doctors. "I found him," she called to the others.

They hurried over and stared. "Wow!" Jack repeated as Thirteen managed to pull off a standing backwards somersault and landing in a crouching pose. "Where did he learn that? Who's his date?" he asked, watching as the red haired Doctor grasped the blond haired man's hand in a secret handshake type of way.

"He's cute," Donna stated with a smile. She moved closer and bumped straight into James, falling straight into his arms. "Nice reflexes. Hello again," she said, resting her head against his chest, and hearing only one heartbeat. "You've only got one heart," she pointed out.

"Hi," James said quietly, holding her close to him. "They're as bad as each other," he commented, watching the two men dancing. "I was born on Earth so, of course, I do."

Ten wandered over, holding some more food in his hand. "Hello, James, wasn't it?" he greeted with a smile, extending his free hand for the red head to shake. "Do you have a surname? Or are you like Madonna and only have one name?"

"Doctor! Remember he's from our future," Martha warned, coming up behind Ten.

"Sorry, Doctor, I can't reveal that," James answered, realising he still had a hold on Donna and quickly let her go.

"Is that my eleventh self?" Ten asked, his attention drawn to the two men. "He's a bit boy-band, isn't he?"

"He's got more meat on his bones than you, Space Man," Donna answered. "You look like an electrified Twiglet."

Martha snorted with laughter and James stifled a smirk. Ten sniffed in indignation. "Stop it!" he protested, giving them a kicked puppy look.

 

"Donna, never ever change," James stated with an evil grin. "Give the Doctor Hell when he needs it. But give him a hug also." he said softly.

"Hey!" Ten complained. "Do you want me to put you over my knee? You're as bad as Donna."

"Yep! That's right," James retorted, sticking his tongue out at the dark haired Time Lord. "Do you want to dance?" he asked Donna as he offered her his hand.

"James," Ten warned, as Donna clasped his future companion's hand, "you're from our future."

"I know!" James said with a scowl. "I'm not stupid! It's only one dance!"

"Put a sock in it, Spaceman," Donna snapped, glaring at Ten. "It's not as if he's going to tell me the future, is it? Although, if you know the Lottery numbers..."

"I do know the rules of time travel," James commented, "and unfortunately that comes under the things to not use future knowledge for."

"Was worth a try," Donna said, dragging him onto the dance floor.

Ten looked at Martha, who shrugged in reply. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm going to lose her? Like she'll be leaving me," Ten asked, smiling as Martha placed a hand on his arm in a comforting gesture.

"Don't worry about that," Martha soothed. "Just think of the now and don't dwell on the future." She squeaked in surprise when he enveloped her in one of his bear hugs.

"Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?" Thirteen said from behind them. They turned to face him and Ten noticed Eleven was standing back, as if he was unsure or not to say hello.

"Are you Eleven?" Martha questioned, raising an eyebrow in question.

He nodded in reply. "Yes, I am," he said, speaking with a broad Wiltshire accent. "It's good to see you again, Martha," he said, pulling her into a hug and smiling into her skin. He pulled back and placed a hand on Martha's stomach, gently stroking the skin. "Might I say, you're looking fabulous and as gorgeous as ever."

"Thanks," Martha said, feeling elated at the compliment.

"Hey! Who's your friend?" Jack questioned and the next minute he found himself with an armful of Eleven. "Let me guess, you're also the Doctor."

"Got it in one," Thirteen said, watching James and Donna on the dance floor with a sad expression on his face.

"Three Doctors," Rose said simply, looking at the three men in front of her.

"I can't say what I'm thinking right now," Jack said with a smile.

"We know what you're thinking," all three Doctors chorused, wearing varying expressions on their faces. Ten wore an exasperated look on his face, Eleven wore a cheeky grin and Thirteen wore a calculating expression.

"Aren't us girls invited?" Rose asked cheekily, "or at least allowed to watch?"

Martha piped up before the males could say anything. "If not, then I guess we'll have to find our own ways of entertaining ourselves..," she trailed off, giving Rose a wink. "Rose, you can show me what you and Gwen got up to in the Alt!Verse."

The four men shared a look that clearly read 'yes please... and can there be pillow fights and whipped cream too?' proving that they are fundamentally the same underneath.

"James will have to come too," Eleven pointed out, looking to where his companion was last seen dancing with Donna, but now they were nowhere in sight. "Oh, that's typical of him..."

"Where'd he go?" Ten asked. "He's cheeky. Can't you keep him under control?"

"Where do you think?" Thirteen and Eleven asked at the same time, wearing identical expressions on their faces and their eyebrows quirked at exactly the same angle.

"Do we need to draw you a diagram?" Eleven said snarkily. "Maybe with a couple of labels and arrows."

"Or would you prefer a more practical demonstration?" Martha questioned with a devilish grin, draping an arm around Rose's shoulder.

 

"Um, can we change the subject?" Ten asked, his face slightly flushed.

"You can't control James," Eleven pointed out. "He bites."

"I bite too," Thirteen added with a smile and a wink in Martha's direction.

"What?!" Ten exclaimed, rushing over to Martha to check for possible bite marks.

"Doctor! Get off!" Martha said, squirming under his inspection.

Eleven laughed and shook his head. "I better go and make sure my dear companion hasn't bitten Donna," he said with a grin. "Love bites notwithstanding."

"Nice dancing with you," Thirteen said with a wink.

"You too. And you, Rose Tyler, no tearing holes in between dimensions or else, I won't leave you with Handy... Wonder what happened to him," Eleven scolded, wiggling his finger at her.

"Shh! You're not supposed to mention him," Thirteen said, adopting a stern face. "Maybe he annoyed Rose and that's why she moved onto Gwen."

"What?!" Martha asked, finally breaking free of Ten's intense inspection. "Was that a bit of tongue then?" she asked, directing her last question towards Ten.

"It doesn't matter," Eleven said. "It's in Ten's future."

"Doctor, stop trying to clean Martha using your tongue," Rose commented with a grin. "You are not a cat."

"You can clean me anytime," Jack added earning an eye roll from Ten.

"Right, I'm off before we get into the big debate on our younger self's grooming skills." Eleven said. "See you later." He waved to them and turned to walk away. The others watched him go then turned back to Ten.

"We need to get you a collar with a bell," Rose teased Ten. "One with a loud tinkle."

"Stop it," Ten said with a pout.

"Donna called him an electrified Twiglet," Martha explained to Rose, who quickly stifled a giggle.

"Stop picking on my tenth self," the red haired Doctor scolded. "Ten would you like to dance?" he added in a voice that allowed for no arguments from the brown haired Doctor.

"No. I don't dance," Ten answered, giving Thirteen a scowl.

"I need to talk to you," Thirteen explained, "in private. You can lick Martha later."

"You can't tell me the future," Ten protested as he was dragged onto the dance-floor.

****

When Ten and Thirteen made their way through the crowd to where the others were sitting, the first thing they noticed was Donna was back from her adventure and the second was that Rose and Martha seemed to be arguing with Jack keeping them separated from each other. Both Time Lords shared a look, hoping it wasn't going to get physical.

Ten grabbed Donna's arm. "What happened?"

Donna shrugged. "They just started. As soon as I came back, they just went for each other."

"Hey!" Thirteen called, grabbing Rose around the waist and pulling her away from Jack. He saw his younger self gently pull Martha to the other side. As soon as they were released, they headed towards each other again. "We need to snap them out of it."

"For God's sake," Jack growled, feeling like a security guard on Jerry Springer, "distract them already."

"How?" Ten asked.

"You could always kiss," Donna suggested. "Guy on guy kiss is an infallible distraction."

"Number one distraction technique," Jack added, sandwiched between the two girls.

Thirteen shared a look with his younger self and quirked an eyebrow. "I suppose we'll have to," he said, after a long pause.

"For the sake of our and everyone else's eardrums," Ten agreed, with a quirk of the eyebrow, turning to face his older self. They moved closer together, looked each other in the eyes, then turned as one and planted a kiss right on either side of a surprised Jack's face.

Ten noticed Martha and Rose were no longer arguing and breathed a sigh of relief. "Distraction enough for you?" he asked, wearing a smug smile.

"Wait!" Thirteen said, holding up a hand, "we need to make sure that they are well and truly distracted." He smirked and grabbed Jack by the shoulder and pulled him in for a kiss that tasted of rum, strawberries and bananas. He moved his mouth to Jack's ear. "Nice try but no cigar," he whispered with a grin in his voice. He pulled back, winked at Jack and looked at his younger self.

"I dunno about the girls," Jack breathed, "but I'm distracted."

"We're good," the girls chorused, all traces of hostility gone.

"You knew?" Jack asked, still slightly dazed from the kiss, as his brain caught up with what Thirteen whispered in his ear.

"I AM the future version of him," Thirteen said, rolling his eyes slightly as he indicated Ten. "What he knows, I know. And a plan to get me to lock lips with my younger self is something that we should know."

"Donna! You're back!" Ten exclaimed as if he had just noticed her there.

"Yeah, been back for a while now. Took you long enough," Dona retorted. "I really think the hair gel is melting your brain or something."

"Anyway, I've ordered us some drinks," Thirteen cut in before Ten could retort. "Non alcoholic for you, missy," he said to Martha as one of the serving staff members wandered over with their drinks.

****

A few minutes before

Martha looked at her two friends and grinned as the two Time Lords conversed in low voices, as they danced. "What do you suppose they're talking about?"

"Do you suppose they'll kiss?" Rose asked, looking mischievous.

"Well, they once told me that if the universe depended on them locking lips, then they'd do it," Martha said.

"What about as a distraction?" Jack questioned. "Say you two were arguing, would they do it to distract you?"

"Yeah, I think so," Martha answered, watching as the two Doctors walked off the dance floor, straight to the bar. "Let's wait until they are a little more lubricated, okay?"

"Who's lubricated?" Donna asked from behind them.

"Have fun?" Jack asked with a impish grin. His grin widened as Donna nodded. "Details?"

"Who's lubricated?" Donna repeated, tapping her foot and ignoring Jack's last question.

"Oh, the Doctors," Rose answered, waving a hand towards the two Time Lords as they chatted at the bar.

"We're hoping that they'll kiss," Martha said with a smirk.

"Oh. Hang on, aren't you and Thirteen..?" Donna asked, trailing off mid-question.

"Does Thirteen really bite?" Jack questioned, looking intrigued. Martha just smirked in reply. "Well, they're coming over so... do what you've gotta do," he stated, watching as the two in question weaved their way through the crowd.

"Show time," Martha and Rose said quietly.

*****

The drinks flowed and soon Ten and Thirteen were getting drunker and drunker. They had ordered high potency drinks for themselves, guaranteed to get even a Time Lord well oiled and they were getting louder and more rowdy. "Oh, I love this song," Ten cheered as the song changed. He grabbed his older self's hand. "Come on."

"Isn't this the song from The Full Monty?" Thirteen asked as he was dragged onto the dance floor.

"This I have to see," Jack said, scooting his chair over so he could get a better view of the dance floor as the two Time Lords danced.

Rose groaned. "Oh, this isn't fair. I've gotten over him and then he pulls this..." She jumped when Thirteen's heavy black coat landed on her head. "Oi!" she protested, pulling it off and sticking it on the empty chair beside her.

Donna ended up with Ten's coat on her lap and she placed it on top of the other coat. "They're not going to reenact the film, are they?"

"I say they are," Martha answered, watching as they unbuttoned their top shirts, slowly teasing their audience. She grinned when both of their shirts landed on Jack's head. "Well, you've always wanted them to get naked more often."

Jack pulled the shirts off his head. "Well, so do you."

"Maybe someone put an aphrodisiac in their drinks," Donna said, sniffing Thirteen's drink. "Smells like rum."

"That's because it is rum," Jack said, licking his lips, remembering the kiss Thirteen had given him earlier on in the evening. "Could you girls argue again?"

"Later," Rose said, looking distracted by the two Doctors in just their shirts and trousers. "Think they'd go the Full Monty?"

"Can they do that?" Donna asked. "They won't get arrested, will they?"

"Of course. They encourage it here," Jack replied. "And I hope so."

"Behave, Jack!" Martha mock scolded. "Besides, even Little Miss 'I'm So In Love And My Partner And I Have A Disney Kind Of Love' is wanting them to lose the clothes so you're not alone, Jack."

"Was that directed towards me?" Rose asked, not tearing her eyes away from the two nearly naked Doctors.

"Mm, yeah," Jack said, watching as the two Time Lords danced. "Please, just argue again, ladies."

"You just want Thirteen to kiss you again, don't you?" Donna questioned, teasing the immortal.

"Well, wouldn't you?" Jack asked with a sly grin. His grin widened when both Ten and Thirteen made their way over, clad in only their trousers. "Have fun?"

"Yeah," Thirteen answered, pulling on his shirt, but leaving it half undone. "So hot," he said, grabbing his drink and downing half of it in one gulp.

"Yep!" Ten replied, putting his t-shirt on. He realised that he had finished his drink so he reached over and stole the glass out of Thirteen's hand, flashing his older self a cheeky grin. "Cheers," he said, finishing the drink. "Mm."

"Oi!" Thirteen exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips. "You owe me," he said, as the others laughed at his expression and stance. He pointed to the bar with a stern expression on his face and said something in a language that the TARDIS didn't translate.

Ten glared at his older self and answered in the same language, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Where did you learn to dance like that?" Martha questioned with a laugh, deciding to nip this potential argument in the bud.

"Well, I once had to work as a stripper to earn enough money to get a part for my TARDIS," the red head answered, watching as Ten walked over to the bar to presumably order some more drinks. "It was... educational. Better to strip than be stuck in one place for three hundred years." he added with a significant look towards Jack.

"Which incarnation?" Rose asked curiously.

"Does it matter?" the red headed Doctor asked, quirking an eyebrow at her. He looked up as his younger self came and sat down next to him. "So what shall we do now?" he wondered.

"Have any of you played 'suck or blow' before?" Rose asked holding up a bar mat.

"Suck or blow? Sounds kinky," Jack said, being typically Jack.

"Nah, you're terrible, Jack," Donna stated with a teasing smile. "What it is, you suck the bar mat to your mouth and pass it from mouth to mouth until someone drops it."

Thirteen grinned, obviously knowing the outcome of the game. "Sounds like fun."

"Yep!" Ten agreed. "What happens when it's dropped?"

"They just end up kissing the person that they're passing it to," Martha answered. "I'm in."

"Me too," Jack chipped in. "Rose should start," he said, patting her knee.

"Yeah, and we'll go 'me, Jack, Martha, Ten, Thirteen, Donna and back to me'. That okay with everybody?" Rose stated, getting nods of agreement from everyone.

Jack and Donna shared a look and smiled at each other. They were plotting something, Rose knew that they were, but she wasn't sure who they were plotting against. She placed the mat against her lips and leaned towards Jack, who carefully took it off her. "Good sucking," Donna observed, as Martha took it off Jack. Jack flashed her a grin and cheeky wink.

 

Around it went once without anyone dropping it but when it was Martha's next turn to pass it to Ten, Jack slid a hand up her side, causing her to gasp and drop the mat onto Ten's lap.

Her lips met Ten's in a kiss that was completely different to the one on the Moon. While that kiss was rushed, this one was slow and banana flavoured, making her knees buckle and she was glad that she was sitting down. When she pulled back she turned to face Jack, who gave her an innocent look. She reached down and quickly picked the mat off Ten's lap, ignoring the cheers and whistles from the others. She caught Thirteen's smirk as he looked at Jack and an idea popped into her head. 'This is war,' she thought, stifling a devious smirk.

Ten's hearts were pounding as he recalled the kiss he had just shared with Martha and he wondered if he could fix it so he could do it again. Her taste lingered in his mouth and his whole body felt on fire as he thought of her soft lips against his. 'Calm down,' he scolded himself, 'you're not a teenager any more.' He jumped when Martha gently tapped his knee, snapping him out of his thoughts and gulped as she placed the mat against her lips. He leaned forward and took it from her. He considered fumbling it, but decided against it as it would be too suspicious.

He turned to face his older self and leaned towards him. The four companions shared a look and as Ten was only inches away from his older self, Martha pinched Ten on the behind, causing a squeak to escape his throat and he dropped the mat. His hands automatically came up and he cupped his older self's face before pressing his lips to Thirteen's in a banana and strawberry flavoured kiss, which Thirteen returned quite eagerly.

"Whoa!" Donna muttered, watching the two Doctors kiss.

"Good things come to those who wait," Martha purred, enjoying the sight before her.

"Thank you, Lord!" Rose said softly. "I'm not a praying person, but..."

"If I was wearing glasses, they would've steamed up by now," Jack commented, grinning as Thirteen wrapped his arms around Ten's waist and pulled him closer.

"Get me some ice, these two are smoking hot!" Martha said, fanning herself with her hand. She looked disappointed when the two finally broke the kiss. "Well?"

"Hmm, not bad," Thirteen answered, licking his lips. "Could do with some practice though."

"I think you bit me," Ten grumbled, sucking on his bottom lip and trying to pout at the same time.

"Aww, poor thing," Donna said sarcastically. "Come on, let's carry on playing," she said happily.

"Now, there's someone who's eager," Ten commented, as he picked up the mat from his chair. "She must want you to kiss her, Thirteen, and not just to save the world," he added teasing his older self. "Just don't bite her."

"Well, as she's already snogged you, she wants to be able to compare notes," Thirteen retorted, sticking his tongue out at his younger self. "And stop complaining about the biting. I know you enjoyed it."

"You did? When?" Jack asked, curious to get this piece of information on either of the Doctors. "I mean, when did Donna kiss you?"

 

Ten flushed slightly. "It was detox, that's all."

"So he says," Donna piped up. "He had been poisoned but," she shook her head, "it really was a strange way of detoxing with ginger beer, walnuts, anchovies and a kiss."

"I needed a shock," Thirteen pointed out, "but you were the one who kissed me. You could've slapped me..."

"Anchovies?" Rose questioned, wearing a slightly disgusted expression on her face. "Yum!" she said sarcastically.

"Anchovies sound good round about now," Martha stated.

"Can we just get on with it?" Donna asked impatiently, smacking Thirteen on his arm.

"Well, don't keep the Hellfire Banshee waiting," Ten mumbled into Thirteen's ear.

"Yeah, well, don't drop it this time," the red headed Time Lord retorted, grinning as the younger Time Lord passed the mat to him with no incident. He moved to pass it to Donna but Ten poked him in the back, with a long bony finger, eliciting a loud gasp from his throat and fumbled the mat, letting it fall between them. He yelped as Donna didn't hesitate to grab him by his hair and pull him in for a kiss. Donna's lips were soft against his and he found himself kissing her back. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him.

Donna gasped into his mouth and entangled her fingers in his hair, tugging on the thick red strands, causing him to growl in enjoyment. She pulled back from him suddenly, making him stumble slightly. Her face was flushed and she was breathing deeply.

"Well, if I had been poisoned again, that would definitely have helped detox... me," Thirteen said with a wonky grin.

"I bet," Rose commented, sticking her tongue between her teeth cheekily. "Any excuse for a snog."

"Did he bite you?" Ten wanted to know, leaning over his older self's shoulder to look at Donna.

"No, Spaceman, he didn't," Donna answered, playfully hitting Ten on the shoulder.

"He bit me," Ten whined, pouting slightly, even though his eyes sparkled with a mischievous light.

"Mind not breathing in my ear?" Thirteen said to his younger self, turning his head to look at his dark haired younger incarnation at a sideways angle. "It's kind of distracting." Ten flashed him a bright smile but stayed where he was.

"Aww, would you like a little cheese to go with that whine, Doctor?" Martha asked, wrapping her arms around Ten's waist from behind.

"Shall we just throw out the mat bit?" Jack questioned with a grin as he noticed Martha and Ten's closeness. "I think it'll be bedtime soon for a few of us," he said pointedly.

"Nah!" Rose said. "That's half the fun."

TBC


End file.
